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Nicole's Pregnancy journal

Week 12
~ What a Difference a Week Can Make

This week has been very calm as far as the pregnancy goes (still extremely grateful). I seem to be feeling A LOT better. I'm not nearly as tired and can actually boast about a few energy burst which had me cleaning out my attic and basement this week! I do still need to lie down late in the afternoon for about 20 minutes but then I'm fine until bedtime . . . which is now 9pm instead of my pre-pregnancy 11pm+ bedtime but still, MUCH better! The hunger really seems to have settled to a more normal, three meals and two or three snacks a day routine which is such a relief. I've lost about three pounds this week, not intentionally so I'm not sure if it's just my body's way of adjusting it' needs now that I'm at a much more "normal" body weight then I was at the beginning of the pregnancy or because my cravings have switched from caramel ice cream to baked potatoes??

I have two prenatal appointments this week, one at my family doctor's on Thursday and another for an ultrasound on Friday so a busy week ahead and I'm looking forward to the peace of mind. I tried my fetal heart doppler at home this morning even though the instructions clearly state that before 14 weeks a heartbeat can rarely be detected . . . it was worth a try but unfortunately I didn't find one. I'll be so relieved to have some type of daily comfort by either hearing the baby's heartbeat or feeling movement, right now it just seems too still and I can't seem to shake the constant anxiety at all.

I did start and almost finish my Christmas shopping this week. Money is really tight this year as it has been for the past 2 years so the shopping list isn't very long. The kids will each get a "special" gift from mom and dad and one or two from Santa but that's it (and stockings of course) . . . with 8 children that's quite the feat! I know it will be different for them this year as they really are used to receiving way too much "junk" from Santa . . . it just frustrates me so much to spend so much money and less then six months later most of it is being donated to charity because it's been discarded at the bottom of the multiple toy boxes and forgotten. With eight children they've seen it all when it comes to toys and have lost interest in so much of it . . . it's the same toys every year, just different colors and packaging. They're also getting a "WII" from my mom as a family present so they be thrilled.

I found a beautiful tree ornament for Ava as well, I had already bought a collection of Christmas baby angels in her memory but this ornament is personalized and brought a tear to my eye when I read it so I couldn't resist. We will be buying something in her memory every Christmas and for her "birth" date in February . . . it wouldn't feel right not to, she's such a huge part of who we've become.

Oh, I nearly forgot to mention . . . my 6 year old will be getting an "extra special" Christmas gift this year that I'm SOOOO excited about it. This past summer we had to rehome a little Dachshund that we had taken in as a rescue three years ago. This little dog and Breya had such an incredible bond it broke my heart to have to get rid of him but unfortunately the bond was only between Breya and this dog and he "attacked" my older children every chance he got. It just became too much for me with all the strain I'd been under this year and when he broke the skin yet again on my 11 year old's leg I really had to toughen up and think of what was best for the family. The dog did get a great home and is doing very well but Breya was still quite sad about the loss and I could totally relate so we reserved her a kitten!! I'm severely allergic to normal cats but we've successfully and sneeze free owned a beautiful Devon Rex cat for two years now so I know my allergies are more to cat fur and not so much to dander (I'm also allergic to rabbits which have similar fur). Anyway, we found a beautiful hairless Peterbald kitten online and immediately placed a deposit on her! She won't be ready to leave mum until January 20th which I really like since I don't believe Christmas is a time to welcome a new baby animal into the home. Breya will receive a box full of kitten supplies and a photo of her new friend and will be SOOOOOOOOO excited . . . I can't wait to see the look on her face!

Well, enough ramblings for this week. I'll have more to report on my next entry as I get all my appointments dealt with, please keep us in your prayers!

Editor's Note: At Nicole's prenatal checkup, a fetal heart beat couldn't be detected. The next day, December 9, she went for a scheduled ultrasound and learned that the baby had died at approximately 9 weeks gestation and had a D&C that night. Please keep Nicole and her family in your prayers and thoughts . . .


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