~ The Ups & Downs
Not much to report on the pregnancy front other than continued, uncontrollable hunger which is such a strange sensation for me, LOL! It's funny how someone so tiny can consume your every thought though. It's such a different pregnancy than my other nine in the sense that I was just "happy go lucky" with them and never really gave a second thought that so much could go so terribly wrong at any given moment. I mean, you always know it can happen but you really don't worry much about it. I suppose it's sort of like sending the children off to school; anything can happen but you send them on their way with a smile and simply look forward to their return at 3pm . . . no real worries. With this pregnancy I worry about my water consumption, I monitor everything I eat, wash my hands constantly and practically disinfect the children when they come in off of the farm . . . not to mention, I've cut off all of my unnecessary contact with the farm animals for the time being. My cow has large horns, the ponies could kick and I'm sure that the goats lying in dirty bedding must be harbouring some kind of potentially dangerous bacteria! Then, there's the cat . . . she's a sweetheart but the fact that her litter could carry toxoplasmosis and she steps in her litter several times a day has me completely avoiding contact with her and her paws. So, I guess you can call me completely paranoid!!
ISymptom wise, my nausea seems to have almost ceased completely, which of course had me worried that my hormones weren't rising the way they should. My mother was quick to point out however that I always only getting nausea when I'm pregnant with girls so chances are this little one could very possibly be a little boy. I decided to take another pregnancy test just to help reassure myself anyway since I know that the test lines should be darker as time goes on and darker they were! It was almost an instant positive with two bright pink lines, in fact the positive result line actually seemed darker then the control line so I guess my hormones are mounting. Now, had you asked my husband he would have said that he knew they were out of control and just fine, LOL! My breasts are very tender and if I repeatedly have to bend (like when stacking fire wood) I feel queasy and unwell.
This week, Bryson fell while bouncing on my bed (before I had a chance to catch him as jumping on the beds is strictly forbidden here, and for good reason), he split his head open which never would have set me off in the past. Well, I kept it together while I quickly gathered him up and applied a cold compress to the wound to stop the bleeding but thank goodness Daniel was home because I quickly passed him to his father as I feared I would pass out! Honestly, I went completely white, weak and saw black before getting myself to the toilet to sit down as quickly as I could! I'm sure this has something to do with the pregnancy because I have no fear of blood. I've assisted in goat C-sections, witnessed and treated many farm animal related accidents and have 20 years experience with cuts, scrapes and broken bones . . . this was so strange to me!!
Another unexpected issue I've encountered this week is difficulty sleeping. Since losing Ava I've always made sure to go to bed completely exhausted so that I could quickly fall asleep and avoid the dreaded, heartbreaking dreams. Well, with pregnancy comes the need to wake up several times a night to use the bathroom. I wake up, use the washroom and return to bed just to find my heart start to race and my body temperature rise . . . I feel panicked! Sometimes I just cry but other times it's too much so I get up, do a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher etc . . . in an attempt to tire myself out enough to drift off again. Of course, this with normal pregnancy exhaustion has me in a zombie like state during the day and I can't help but fall asleep for a short nap within minutes of the older kids getting off the bus to watch Bryson for me. I'm considering talking to my doctor about this when I go see her on the 10th, as I also fear that the stress I'm experiencing may not be good for the baby I'm carrying (more worries).
So, as normal pregnancy symptoms collide with my emotional weaknesses this pregnancy sure seems to be one like no other but yet it's a pregnancy that I'll always hold close to my heart and couldn't be any happier about! I think of the future and smile and for a long time that was something I didn't think I was capable of.