~ Panic & Adjustments
Well, this week was a very interesting one that certainly reminded me of how quickly things can go terribly wrong during pregnancy, not that I had ever forgotten! Thursday, November 10th was my first pre-natal exam. The kids were out of school that day so my husband took advantage of some banked hours and took the day off to watch them while I tended to business. Breya (my 6 year old) had booster shots booked the same day so had to come with me and because I knew I was going to have the pelvic exam I brought my oldest daughter to watch her while I was having my check. The appointment was at 10:30am and I was just so uncomfortable and longed for my husband; it was just too familiar a scene and I just wanted out there ASAP. The exam went well, blood pressure, uterus size etc . . . all perfect. She tried to pick up the fetal heart beat but couldn't. I was quickly reassured that it was still very early and not uncommon not to pick up with a doppler but still, this is how my last exam with Ava finished and I'm pretty sure my doctor noticed the color draining from my face so she quickly offered an ultrasound to set my mind at ease for the weekend . . . yeay!
I was sent to meet her at the hospital for a quick ultrasound that she'd do during her lunch break (what a sweetheart). Both of my daughters were with me as I laid down waiting to see the precious signs of life. She started probing around but all she could pick up was a dark shadow and no movement or sign of life! I PANICKED of course, the room was quiet and the doctor didn't seem able to offer much in the way of comforting words other than to say that the portable ultrasound machine may simply not be working properly and that she'd try to have me seen by the OB/GYN as soon as she could. I left the hospital shaking . . . this couldn't be happening!
I had to return to my doctor's office to pick up some forms for blood work; my doctor wanted to check my hormone levels ASAP. By the time I got to the office building I was too upset to make it up to get the forms so my daughter ran up for me . . . the next thing I knew the receptionist is knocking on my van window telling me the OB/GYN can see me for an emergency ultrasound in less than an hour.
I bought the girls some lunch and made my way back to the hospital, back to the same room with the same staff as the day Ava's death was confirmed . . . I had so little hope by this time! Teyanna (my 13, almost 14 year old daughter) stayed with Breya in the van watching DVDs as I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to keep it together once the news was delivered. The doctor seemed sombre and asked me if I was O.K. but I couldn't answer; it was obvious everyone thought the worse. I was told that they'd try a regular ultrasound first and if they could find anything they'd do a vaginal. I laid on the table and held my breath as they started and RIGHT AWAY, there it was . . . a GORGEOUS beating heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I broke down and sobbed; everyone was so happy and the weight of the world simply lifted off of my shoulders . . . the best gift I could ever have been given, very much like giving birth to a healthy screaming baby.
Turns out my dates were off. The baby is measuring a week earlier making me 9 weeks this coming Sunday. It makes sense as my periods were really irregular and unpredictable with my last two months running a week late. I was told that the fact that the pregnancy test came out positive so early is a good sign meaning my hormones were climbing nicely. The baby looked a lot like a little gummy bear, LOL . . . the most beautiful gummy bear I've ever seen!
My due date has been moved from June 10th to June 17th and I'll be going for another ultrasound in four weeks time. I can certainly say that I've been trying to recover from the whole ordeal ever since and have been feeling even more exhausted than usual but at least now I can sleep in peace.