Week 12 ~ December 16, 2002
~ Ho Hum
It is very hard to keep up with my resolution not to rush this pregnancy along at this point. I am just past 12 weeks and according to one due date calculator, I ended the first trimester on Thursday. I very rarely am sick anymore (except when I don't eat and that is probably related to screwy blood sugars more than anything). I feel pretty good 90% of the time except for my frequent headaches which I get with every pregnancy. I am exhausted all the time but that is probably related as much to chronic insomnia and being the mother of three more than anything. So I naturally want something to happen. I want to show, I want to feel movement, I want to feel hiccups, I want something to happen. But I promised myself… Experience every day and remember it for this is the last time.
So here I sit trying to appreciate something happening (after all that baby is growing like a weed) when I can't feel anything happening. And then Caitlyn comes running in from watching Animal Planet and asks if she can cut the umbilical cord. Trust kids to remind you what is important. Michael and I did not allow the kids in the delivery room when Brigid was born. I just had this fear of the docs having to whisk away a non breathing baby and having to answer questions. Talk about not trusting God. I guess some of our decision about Brigid was purely selfish as well. We thought she was our last and I really wanted to be focused on experiencing labor and her and not thinking about the kids. The other thing is that I handle labor much better if I am left alone. Since I don't do pain medications, I do need to focus on myself and don't appreciate interference. I can't answer questions and I can't talk. The idea of having to listen to the chatter of my little darlings really makes the hairs on the back of my neck go up. Maybe we can make a compromise this time around. If they promise not to talk!
I just read my last week's entry to try and remember what was going on… And I have accomplished the Christmas decorations. But have not accomplished the exercise, the one thing I need to do even more than the decorations. Last week was one of those break down weeks where everything that could go wrong did. No big things, just lots of little things that added up to be too much. Girl Scouts was canceled again so Caitlyn and I had to make all the cookies to send to our Afghanistan troop. We made 100s - after we fixed the batch in which I added double the butter. Ugh! My wonderful C took charge of actually rolling out the dough and baking them. All I had to do was assemble the batter and clean up. She is growing up so much. Then I had to get them out. I also got notices from each school about buying for parties, Salvation Army angels, gift exchanges and gift bags. Next year I am sending a letter to the schools. If you cannot notify me of every single thing I need to buy by December 1, do not expect my children to participate. Selfish, but if I make one more trip to Wal Mart to buy for another group, my head may spin off. Michael, bless his heart, came home on Wednesday and actually took Thursday off so that he could have two days home this week and took charge of the kids and dinner. What a relief! Just two days of help and I feel like I can take charge again.
Ok… so this week… Kid's Christmas shopping and exercise. I promise!