Week 14 ~ December 30, 2002
~ Where has the time gone?
I can't believe that in 6 very short months I will be delivering this little blessed baby. How can so many weeks have flown by in such a short period of time? It must be a sign of my age. I remember thinking Christmas would never come, my birthday would never come, the summer would never come. Now I think that someone takes a few months out of the year when I am asleep! In six months we will be welcoming another life into our family . . . our last baby. So bittersweet. Michael and I always wanted a huge family. I don't think we thought that four was going to be enough. But reality has set in . . . I am 39 and he is 48. It is time for us to call this one the last one. It is time for me to pass the child bearing on to a new generation and it is ok . . .
Currently my only issue is the horrible insomnia and the headaches. Otherwise I feel pretty darn good the majority of the time. So different from the other three where I was sick all the way until about 20 weeks only to start up again at about 32. Maybe God knows that I want to treasure this pregnancy and not wish it away because of not feeling good. The insomnia is creating a homicidal maniac though. The waking up at 1:00 to 2:30am and laying there for hours is getting to be a bit much. Of course the second I doze off around 6:00am, darling Brigid is awake and ready to go. I have also been doing some research about the effects of insomnia and one of them is that it doesn't allow your cortisol levels to decrease the way they normally should. So many times people who have chronic insomnia cannot process carbohydrates and actually end up mimicking Type II diabetes. So . . . could this be the reason my fasting blood sugars are always so high in the morning? I am going to run this by Max at my next appointment and see what he thinks. I keep saying that I am going to make an appointment with an endocrinologist to help me manage my GD this time and I haven't. Maybe it is time.
Brigid has officially turned three. Although mentally she hit that mark a few months ago, she is now really three. I really wanted her to be weaned by the age of three but she is still nursing several times a day. I keep hearing that the flavor of my milk will change and that it will dry up with pregnancy and that she will naturally wean. So far no signs of that . . . I have to admit that with Michael away so much, I thought that pregnancy would be the lazy mom's way out to wean. I don't know that this is going to make a lick of difference to my little hard-headed darling. She keeps telling me not to worry, that she will share her nursies with the baby . . . but what does she know about sharing. She is three!
I actually looked at some baby stuff at Toys-R-Us the other day when I was buying for Brigid's birthday. Guess my faith that God is handling this has really kicked in. Not that we really need anything since we still have all of Brigid's stuff, but a new carseat will be necessary and I would like to get a portable swing and bouncy seat for the pool. I found two really nice carseats - one portable and one a larger one that you leave in the car. I am not a fan of the portable as I am a :carry my baby type of gal", but there are some pros. When I tried to talk to Michael about them . . . he rolled his eyes. He doesn't care about this stuff. Just buy the safest one and be done with it. Oh, if it were so simple!
We are still going on about names and I think we are both a bit worried about that aspect. I will admit right now that we both want another boy. When I was pregnant with Stuart, we never came up with a girl's name. When I was pregnant with Caitlyn, we never had a boy's name. Brigid . . . never had a boy's name. Seems sort of prophetic doesn't it? Guess what . . . we have agreed on a girl's name and cannot for the life of us agree on a boy's name. Michael and Stuart say they are moving out if another girl enters this house. I have to admit that the hormones coming from the other three are pretty overwhelming at times, even to the one who is giving off most of them! We strive to forget about our girl's name and agree on a boy's soon!
The joy that I feel at this time of the year has just overcome me . . . that and pregnancy hormones. As I am a Christian, the beginning of the Church year has a special significance for me. I treasure it, I enjoy it and I love what it means . . . and to be pregnant at the same time . . . The blessings just keep on coming . . . And so do those tears!