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Paige's Pregnancy Journal

Week 19 ~ February 4, 2003
~ Almost half way there . . .

And it almost makes me very sad. I am so looking forward to holding a new babe in my arms and enjoying the fruits of this pregnancy. But at the same time, this pregnancy is full of lasts for me. It is the last time my period will be late. It is the last time I will pee on a stick and wonder if there are going to be two lines or one. It is the last time I will be filled with the wonderment and joy of seeing that second line. It is the last time I will have morning sickness. It is the last time I will hear that first heartbeat. It is the last time I will have that first ultrasound. It is the last time I will feel that movement and wonder at its thrill. So I sit here struggling to capture every thing and hold it close to my heart no matter how fleeting. But still the weeks roll on and all of the sudden I am almost at that half way mark that so many people celebrate and instead I mourn. This has been such a blessed pregnancy, so easy in so many ways, that I hate to see it passing so quickly without a chance of getting just one more week back. I am just so fortunate that I have been able to fulfill my promise to myself and enjoy every second instead of wishing them away.

Guess that is a good life lesson in general. There are so many things that pass us by so quickly and we wish them away. But once they are gone, we cannot have them back and instead we only have a memory of something that we didn't get to enjoy or savor or learn from as much as we could have. Hmmmm . . . obviously I am not getting enough sleep at night and am thinking way too much.

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This has been a relatively quiet week. I still have no pants and despite many wonderful suggestions, I have not been successful. My final Land's End purchase arrived yesterday and they fit perfectly in the legs. However… once again, the waist is too large and I doubt I will even fit in them when I am 9 months. I shall continue in my quest and am actually going to try a few more online places and see if I have any luck. At the same time as my pants fiasco, I am in the process of deciding about purchasing a long, raw silk formal gown for a black tie event that Michael and I go to every year. It seems like such a waste of money for 6 short hours. But this is a time where every woman really wants to feel beautiful. Oh the decisions!

I had my level II ultrasound today. Although Michael was off and could have gone, we were worried about being able to get Brigid from preschool if Max had to deliver any babies and ran late. So instead a dear friend of mine came. Her children do not have children yet so she has never seen an ultrasound. She is Brigid's Godmother and will be this baby's Godmother as well. I think she had fun . . . I know I did. All the organs were checked and measured and Max just kept showing her things. He measured the baby's femur and concluded that she has very long legs. Just before the ultrasound was over, she flipped over and raised her arm and waved at us. I was of the opinion that she was having a glass of wine. Max froze that shot and gave a copy to me and Judy. I will never get over the thrill of seeing those ultrasound pictures. It is wonderful that Max is so generous with them and I have a great collection to share with this little girl. My blood sugars are in good control since I switched to nighttime insulin and I don't have to go back for 3 weeks.

Meanwhile . . . My quest for pants continues. My thrill at feeling this little girl wiggle never ends, and my thanksgiving for this pregnancy being maintained and blessed shall never change. I am blessed and there is just no other way to look at it.

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