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Paige's Pregnancy Journal

Week 23 ~ March 4, 2003
~ Still exhausted?

Another week of ice and snow. Another five day weekend with the kids home and this one included a husband who had back surgery. I believe I deserve an award for just surviving this week and committing no violent acts towards anyone!

It actually sounds worse than what it was. The snow started on Tuesday night, school was out on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Michael managed to get to the hospital on Thursday morning for his surgery. He was out of the OR and in his room by about 12:30 with reduced leg pain already and only a bad headache and incision to show for his 2 hours of surgery. We went over to see him that afternoon and because of his headache, he and I decided that he should go ahead and stay until Friday. Good thing too. The ice got so bad on the highway on Thursday night that VDOT actually closed it. I have lived in this area for over 20 years and I don't ever recall that happening. Friday we picked up Michael and he is already back to walking around the park and doing some simple stretches. He is feeling a bit housebound with all of us though as he cannot drive until next Monday. I believe we may all get through this. And if his pain is reduced and his quality of life is increased, it will have all been worth it.

On the baby front . . . it has been a pretty quiet week. I finally heard from Max's office about my blood work and my hematocrit had dropped 10 points since November. No wonder my exhaustion is so consuming and my headaches have been constant. So this week I started on some slow release iron and have doubled up on it. Hopefully I will start to see some improvement in that area soon. Needless to say, I have also doubled up on my water intake (how much can one person drink in a day anyway?), fiber rich foods and leafy green vegetables in an attempt to avoid the wonderful side effects that usually accompany iron supplements.

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I believe that no matter how many times you have been through a pregnancy you forget about the mind numbing exhaustion. It just seems to consume you until there isn't a drop of energy left for you to even lift your head off the pillow in the morning. When you wake up in the morning, look at the clock and then quickly calculate how many more hours before you can go back to bed, you know you are in a tough spot. After having been pregnant five times and going through all the side effects and symptoms I have come to the conclusion that for me, the exhaustion is the worst. I am usually so full of energy and on the go that the feeling of not being able to put one foot in front of the other is very frustrating. This is supposed to be a good week for weather here and I would really like to get outside and clean up leaves, empty flower pots, turn over soil in the vegetable garden and start getting ready for spring (it has to arrive at some point!), but the energy involved . . . Just doesn't seem fair that after experiencing this level of exhaustion while you are pregnant for 9 months, you get to continue to experience it for the next 18 years as well!

Just before the snow hit a friend and I went shopping in a town near by so she could pick up some baby gifts she had ordered. Of course I could not resist some of the baby things they had on sale and ended up making some purchases for our little girl. It was kind of thrilling to actually be able to do that. One thing I did find was a new baby book. And as I sit here struggling to remember to keep up with my Girl Scouts paperwork, my church Nursery paperwork, the swim team paperwork, as well as so many emails I haven't returned, I wonder if I will really keep up with this baby book. I looked at Brigid's the other day and the last entry I have in it is the teeth she had at 9 months. That is so pitiful and I know that one day it will break my heart that I haven't kept it up. So this book is sitting on my desk, staring me in the face on a daily basis. I have rounded up my HPTs, my sonogram pictures, the birthday card I gave Michael announcing that I was pregnant and I am resolving, in writing for everyone to read, that I will keep up this baby book. I want to remember at least one of my pregnancies!

As my belly grows, so does the overwhelming feeling of gratitude that I am being allowed to experience this miracle of life just one more time. I still try to capture every second and to hold it close to my heart. I still feel awe that I have been chosen and still wonder why every day. Fortunately this miracle of life kicks me every few minutes and reminds me of the blessing I am experiencing. For that miracle . . . I have nothing but gratitude.

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