How on earth did that happen? Here I am trying to hold on to every day and it is moving faster than ever. A friend and I were chatting the other day and she knows that the doc and I are discussing 38 weeks for induction and she remarked that I might only have 10 weeks left. All the while I am screaming in my head, "Nooooooooo!" I want more time. Oh, I know that I will love the end result just as much, but as the weeks pass I get more and more sad about this pregnancy ending. Time just marches on, no matter what we do to stop it. I am just going to have to face the facts.
I believe that I am starting to feel quite a bit more pregnant. I am starting to have some back pain that is very obviously related to pregnancy. My hip pain after lying on my sides all night is also becoming more pronounced. I also cannot lie on my back at all when putting Brigid to bed. I just can't breathe like that and have to switch to my side. I am also very restless during the 45 minute lecture part of my Bible Study. I hate to have people sitting near me as I shift and turn and sigh and cross and uncross my legs the entire time. I didn't fly through the grocery store as I usually do and was actually almost a bit late picking Brigid up from preschool since I hadn't calculated my shopping by the new waddle time. Have to start adding a few extra minutes for that! So far none of it is too bothersome . . . just signs that things are progressing the way I would expect.
Our house has been nuts for the past two weeks. Stuart has been dealing with a suspected stress fracture of his foot which means that he has not been able to play soccer for almost 10 days. The inactivity is making him - and his mother - crazy! He just does not handle it well. He had it re-x-rayed yesterday and it is still not truly diagnosed as a stress fracture. We are going to try him in an air cast and some light activity and see if it continues to improve. If he doesn't get a chance to be active soon . . .
Caitlyn has also had some behavioral issues the past couple of weeks. I am not sure what is going on with her, but she and I have almost come to blows. I believe that it is probably more just a sign of my little girl growing up and having some changes going on in her body that are affecting her head and mouth at the same time. We had a knock-down-drag-out on Sunday and she has really been making an effort to listen and obey and fulfill her obligations around here. Let's see if it keeps up.
Brigid and I are still working on weaning. She went to sleep for several nights without nursing and I really thought we were finished. However, then she started waking up during the night. The tantrums that ensued when I told her no nursing to go back to sleep were awful. Neither of us was able to return to sleep at all. So after a few nights of that, and the subsequent grouchy days because of the lack of sleep, we decided to try just nursing for a few minutes if she woke up during the night. Two minutes was all it took and she went right back to sleep. We have since returned to nursing for 5 minutes prior to bedtime and then she doesn't wake up during the night. I think she is realizing that she is ready to wean, but just can't quite separate herself yet. But she is working so hard on it.
Michael and I have come go accept the fact that he isn't going to be working for ECI after June 1. So we have started the process of investigating some package insurance programs. Halifax is going to bump up his salary to cover his insurance costs and they are going to maintain his medical malpractice insurance which was a huge concern of ours. I still don't think they have enough shifts available for him to consider that his only job. But at least we have the security of knowing that he will not be totally without a job after June 1.
Of course all of this does influence my thoughts about Max inducing me at 38 or 39 weeks. Our COBRA is going to be $900 a month and we will have to pick it up if I go beyond June 30. Because Michael is working June 1, our insurance will continue through the 30th. But if we need it in July, we will have to make that hefty COBRA payment. So what am I saying . . . that I will not induce for convenience but I will induce for financial reasons? I do not know. This is a very hard question for me to face, but the more I pray about going into labor naturally, the more I think that this is one way God is steering me to accept that Max does have mine and the baby's best interests at heart. I just keep repeating my mantra . . . I still have time. I still have time. I still have time.
Have I ever mentioned that I live in a zoo? We have two horses, two dogs, three cats, one hamster and two ferrets. Our zoo is dearly loved, but gets a little crazy at times. I believe we have hit the height of craziness! We are now hand raising a calf over here whose mom died a couple of weeks ago. I never thought I would be a bottle feeding Mama, but boy does this calf love these bottles. He is about 6 weeks old now so we only have another two weeks until he should be eating hay, grass and calf manna (grain) full time. I believe that I will miss trudging out to the barn three times a day to give him a bottle though.
The last straw came last night when Brigid went into our ferret's cage and decided to get Lewis out for a visit. Unfortunately the cage was on the back porch as they love to be outside. We were able to catch Lewis as she let him lose in the house, but we all neglected to see if both of the cage doors were latched. Apparently one of them was not and Lewis escaped to the great outdoors. We looked all over for him in the dark last night and unfortunately found him this morning . . . in the road. He was still alive when we found him and Michael and Stuart went running to the vet's office. Poor little Lewis. We are still waiting to hear how his x-rays turned out, but he was drinking and had burrowed into his towel to sleep when we left. I am so glad God doesn't care if our prayers are big ones or little ones because otherwise I would feel like a fool praying that this ferret makes it. Just what we need to be spending money on right now . . . x-rays and IV fluids for a ferret. This is going to cost more than he did!
Sometimes I think when things like this happen it is God's way of saying that he will care for us and we need to stop worrying about those things over which we have no control. I keep thinking I understand His lessons and I have learned them and then I have to go around the rock just one more time to try and understand it all over again. I guess that is the way we all learn.
I just hope that we have learned that Brigid can get any sort of latch opened and a padlock is the only way we can keep her away from these animals. Actually… a padlock is the only way I have found that I can keep her out of anything. I am sure that won't work for long.
Speaking of whom . . . She is clamoring for a trip to the park and it is too nice a day not to go. I believe that after our freaky snow storm on Sunday, spring may be finally here for good. Maybe I can talk her into helping me pick up some of the smaller sticks that are littering our yard from all the tress we had come down. After all, another side effect of the third trimester is not being able to bend down.