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Paige's Pregnancy Journal

Week 30 ~ April 22, 2003
~ Already?

How on earth can time go by so quickly? I know that this is a recurring theme of my entries, but I just don't understand. Remember when you were little and it seemed forever until Christmas rolled around each year? Once school was out for summer you started marking the days down and then soon you were counting weeks and before you knew it the excitement of Christmas Eve had arrived. So what is it about getting older that makes the days, weeks, months and years move so much more quickly? But here I am at week 30 . . . only 10 left! Wow! Just seems so impossible.

I will admit though . . . another week that I am gladly giving over. I am not sure if I am experiencing some of that third trimester morning sickness or have a slight virus. But hearing about another pregnant woman who is experiencing some constipation has made me a bit jealous if you know what I mean. Food just is not agreeing with me and I have a feeling that I have lost some more weight this past week. I haven't gained all that much to begin with and Max hasn't expressed any concern, but I would rather not be losing weight at this stage of the game. Since Imodium has not seemed to have had an effect, I went ahead and took myself off of food for a couple of days and have just now been gradually adding things back into my diet. I have been battling the dehydration issues with Gatorade which is not the best thing for someone with gestational diabetes. Fortunately the effect has been pretty minimal as I am not eating much but boy is there a lot of sugar in Gatorade!

Michael's continuing medical education course has been canceled this week so he is home while the kids are on Spring Break so they are in Heaven. They love it when he is around and takes them every place. They have hit a horse show, rounded up cows, gone riding in the orchard behind our house and he is taking the older two to work on Thursday. This weekend I think he is taking Stuart and Caitlyn to a Civil War reenactment - one of his biggest hobbies. Caitlyn has never wanted to go before now and all of the sudden she has figured out all the fun she can have wandering around the camps and meeting and playing with other girls. She cannot wait. Stuart is not real thrilled at having to share this with Caitlyn but that is where Michael turns into a great dadů He wants them both to enjoy the thrill of reenacting history. I am sure that the littlest Angel (that would be Brigid) will be joining them before too long. I cannot help but think that it will not be too long before she figures out how much fun the rest of them are having on these weekends away.

Last week, with some reservations, I decided to allow Caitlyn to go to a dog show with a friend for two days during the week. Caitlyn has had some behavioral issues the past couple of weeks and I really questioned the logic in rewarding this behavior. We talked to her so much about having to earn the privilege of going and she would take one step towards and two steps back. However, after much consideration, Michael and I decided that she really needed this. She did very well, won three classes and was asked to show a Sheltie for another woman who was there, and won that class as well. Since then almost all of the major behavioral issues that we have had have totally disappeared. I really think that allowing her to go and giving her something of which to be proud, with no competition from her brother and sister, was exactly what she needed. I think that Stuart and Brigid have such strong personalities that they totally overshadow her. No matter how much we try to give her what she needs, she sinks into the background. I think that we may have found it though! This dog showing stuff may really make the difference. However, I have laid down the law about another dog coming into this house! We are getting two more feet in June; we do not need four more feet coming in as well.

The three year old showed her curious personality again this week and has earned herself a new name in the process . . . Cinderella. I still have my mother and father's ashes stored in the bottom of my closet. We had my father interred at the Columbarium at Arlington National Cemetery before my mother died, however there were still some ashes left so I put them back in my closet. I just haven't felt called to do anything with my mother as yet. After all, it took 20 years to decide what to do with my father. Anyway, I go upstairs to go to bed and notice that my closet door is open and that there is a mess in the bottom of my closet. Cinderella opened the two boxes that the urns are stored in, opened the urns and had fun turning my closet floor into a pit of ashes! Now the irony here is that my mother and father did not get along and my mother's wish was that she not be scattered anywhere near my father. Now they are mixed in my Dust buster forever and ever! I know that my mother would appreciate becoming a sandbox for Brigid and I guess that after all this time, she and my dad are going to have to figure out how to get along.

A bittersweet moment this week . . . It has been exactly 5 days since Brigid has even asked about nursing. I know that I wanted this, but I cannot help but be sad that our special time together is at an end. I think that if it had not hurt so much or I had not been so restless when she was nursing, I would have allowed her to continue. I have not decided what I am going to do if she asks to nurse when the baby arrives. On one hand, tandem nursing would not be an issue for me at all. On the other hand, she has had her turn and she had three + years and now it is time to pass the "nursies" on to someone else. Sigh . . . We are just never happy are we? I just feel so blessed that I was able to nurse her so long and that I was able to wean her gently and patiently without any trauma to either one of us. There were a lot of hard moments over those three years and it was hard work to wean her, but looking back on it, I wouldn't change a thing.

Now that I think about it, being able to look back on our child rearing years and being satisfied with the majority of the decisions that we have made and the way our children are turning out and not wanting to change a thing is a very good thing. So far so good . . .

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