Week 8 ~ November 18, 2002
~ I Can't Believe It
I am pregnant. I am pregnant. I am pregnant. I just can't believe it. I keep saying it over and over and still I wonder if somehow there is a trick going on. I have had two HCGs drawn and the numbers are doubling. I have taken three pregnancy tests at home and they were all positive… I keep checking and still I can't believe it.
Because of my prior miscarriage I have already had some doctor's appointments. November 7, I saw my RE for a vaginal ultrasound. He wanted to make sure there was a heartbeat and then he would release me to my regular OB for the remainder of my pregnancy. So in I go, heart beating, palms sweating, doing all I can to look calm. And I am not. Dr. Slackman is surprised that this is a spontaneous pregnancy. He really thought with my short luteal phase, I would never get pregnant without at least Clomid.
Here we go. He is moving the wand all around and I can't see a thing. Finally I take a deep breath, close my eyes and when I open them again, there it is. A sac and a tiny fluttering down there in the corner. A huge exhale escapes me and we all laugh. There it is, he says . . . at 132 BPM. What a huge relief and a blessed feeling. This being is alive, at least for right now and that is all I ask.
I leave grasping my picture and staring at that tiny sac and for a lark decide to call my OB to get an appointment. Believe it or not he had an opening for Friday. So I trot off at 8:45 Friday morning to spend hours getting prodded all over again and stuck with needles. We discussed so much at this appointment. Especially testing. Michael and I have already decided we will be doing amniocentesis. Although neither of us know if we could terminate a pregnancy and since we will not know unless we are in that situation, for peace of mind we are going ahead with it. I have two months to wait for that. He also discussed risk factors. Obviously my age at 38 is the first risk factor. The next one is the fact that I have had prior insulin gestational diabetes and am older now. Believe it or not, the third risk factor for me is the fact that I have very short labors. My labors without induction average 2 hours. With induction it was still relatively short at 5.5 hours. At my age and with the IDGD, this could be dangerous at delivery. Dr. Max is glad that I do not have any drugs or interventions as this will be helpful at a fast labor. Although I adore Max, he moves at warp speed and sometimes he says things and you wish about an hour later that you had been able to ask a question. No worries… something to talk about next month as I have no idea why not wanting interventions is a good thing.
Surprisingly he wanted my 3 hour glucose tolerance test (GTT) done now and will do one every month. I knew he would want to keep an eye on it but never dreamed that I would be having one done at 7 weeks. As I am having a hard time with food and am having to force myself to eat and drink, this idea didn't sit well with me. But being the responsible patient I am, I trundle in on Monday morning after fasting since 6pm Sunday night to sit there for hours on end. I am horribly nauseous at this point and so very thirsty. After the first test I can at least have water. This was a very hard test for me but I succeeded in making it through without vomiting. Only 6 more to go. So far all is good.
We still have not shared anything with our children. I want to tell them so badly. I feel very much the same way about this pregnancy that I felt about Brigid. All is safe and it is time to give them the gift of knowing that there is going to be another child in their family. However, Michael still isn't sure and wants to wait until after the amnio. There is no way I am waiting until January so we are going to have to compromise somehow.
Meanwhile . . . I am exhausted but can't sleep. I pee every hour during the night. I am constantly nauseous. My joints hurt all the time and I am emotional and short tempered. Oh yeah… I am pregnant. All is right in the Hickey household.