Adisyn is really growing. I can't personally see it as much, because I see her everyday but people have told me she "doesn't look like a newborn anymore" and she has grown out of her newborn clothes. I absolutely LOVE her smiles. They can make every day special! It's amazing how such a little human being could just love you so much and make our family more complete.
I thought settling into work and getting used to the routine would make me feel more at ease about the situation, but it doesn't. If anything I find myself more stressed and less in control. The culprit - my mother-in-law. Let me start by saying that I absolutely love it so much that she is taking care of Adisyn while we are at work. I appreciate it so much and I'm so happy that she is able to do this. Adisyn is getting so much love and attention that she couldn't get at a day care. I had a close relationship with my maternal grandmother as she watched me while my mother was at work, and I became so close to her. I love my memories of my grandmother. But, there has to be a line drawn. Did I mention that my MIL now lives with us? Yep, 24/7. What makes it difficult is that on the weekends it's our time with Adisyn. I don't get to spend much time with her during the week, because I'm at work, so I want to spend every second with her on the weekend. My MIL, as nice as she is, is too overbearing. Every cry and whimper she comes running and asks me if I want her to take her. While this sounds helpful, this occurs every couple minutes or so. After I politely tell her "No thank you, I want to spend time with Adisyn today" and after my husband has had the talk with her that the weekend is our time to spend time with her, she persists.
Also, the simple daily routine that we wrote for my MIL went out the window. We wrote down just the essentials, as I mentioned before, like when to feed her and when to give her a nap. But, my MIL doesn't think that it's possible, so instead Adisyn sleeps most of the day, leaving our nights to be very long. She was into a nice routine before I went back to work. I'm not confrontational so Mark has to hear me complain at the end of the day. I don't want our only conversation to be me complaining about his mother so he can talk to her. We need that special time together. The whole situation makes me feel insignificant. It's our child and we had just a couple requests on how we wanted her schedule to be. It makes me feel helpless and less in control of a situation that I was already feeling guilty for not being able to be more involved in. My MIL doesn't go home on the weekends because it's such a long drive for her, according to my FIL, and he comes to visit on the weekends to see Adisyn anyway. So then he wants to be with Adisyn on the weekends. I just think we need a solution. Our family time is an important part of our learning experience with Adisyn and we value it so much. Yet, at the same time, I want to keep the relationship we have with my in-laws.
I find that it's much harder for me to focus at work. When I was pregnant I had a "baby brain" and it still exists. It's not only that I think about Adisyn all the time, it's also that so much of my day is nursing or pumping that I plan my day making sure I always have time to do both. I realize now how hard it is to understand for others on how much time and effort goes into being a mother. I get out of work, do a quick work-out, and then quickly head home. I can't wait to see Adisyn! Now I fully understand and it's something that at one point I thought I was only going to be a dream.
Every day I think about how much of our dreams have become a reality. We are able to look towards the future, like what we'll be able to do with Adisyn over the summer, for example. There was a point in our lives when we were afraid to look the future. Our once empty crib has a smiling baby girl in it and we are thankful every day for her. She is more than we could have ever asked for!
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