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Rebecca's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Birth Story
~ She's Here!!

arriving at the hospitalJanuary 4, 2012 - birth day!

5:00am - We arrived at the hospital for my scheduled induction. We were exhausted because we didn't get a lot of sleep the previous night from both anticipation and for the fact that I was having a lot of contractions. We timed the contractions and they were anywhere from 6-10 minutes apart. We were very close to driving to the hospital when they got to be 6 minutes apart, but they didn't last more than a half an hour at a time. I told Mark that we needed to make it to 5:00, but I really wasn't sure if we would!

We were so excited to know that we'd be meeting Adisyn today, but there was still the anxiety in the back of our minds. Adisyn was diagnosed with Intrauterine Growth Restriction, which is why they induced at 37 weeks, which is considered full-term. The nurse at the hospital told us that a lot of babies are diagnosed with this, but don't actually have it, but you don't truly know until delivery. Still, with the threat of the placenta cutting off its supply completely, induction was the only option. It was very frightening for us to know that she had this diagnosis, because Ada had a very severe case of this. Mark actually asked the high risk doctor if they felt like something could be genetically going on that wasn't detected thus far and he said that it is always a possibility. It felt like we still weren't in the clear, we were still worried about Adisyn's health but we had some comfort knowing that she passed all her tests throughout the pregnancy. But still, there's that uncertainty.

9:00am - My doctor came in and let me know the plan for the day. He was going to break my water, but he wanted to wait until I received my epidural. He checked my cervix and found that I was just 2-3 cm dilated. I was surprised because I was having a lot more contractions which were increasing in intensity so I thought I would've progressed more. I decided to get my epidural then because I didn't want the labor to progress to the point when my contractions were too close and too intense. Having had a very horrific experience in the past, I wanted the labor to be as relaxing as possible so we both could take it all in and enjoy the miracle that was taking place.

Rebecca and Adisyn10:00am - My epidural appeared to be only on my right side. I was worried about this because I had the same thing happen before. As I lay on my left side, I slowly felt the effects on that side as well. I was relieved because I didn't want this to create an unnecessary anxiety.

12:00pm - My doctor came back by (apparently he had a surgery in the meantime) to break my water. Mark was so excited to see the whole process! My doctor explained everything as he did it and his prediction was that I'd be delivering sometime around dinner because I was about 4 cm dilated. I was texting my sister and my friend with the play-by-play of how everything was progressing. They both thought that dinner time was a little too optimistic because it sounded to them like it was going to be a long night for us.

12:45pm - I started feeling a lot of increased pressure. The nurse checked Adisyn's heart rate and the said "I think things are moving very quickly". She checked my cervix and I was at 7 cm dilated! I asked her when she usually alerts the doctor and without hesitation she said "I'm going to go right now!"

1:00pm - The doctor came in and I told him about my increased pressure and the need to push. He checked my cervix and said "wow! I think we're ready to go - this is going to be the fastest delivery I've ever had!" As everyone was preparing the area, I began to cry. Mark looked at me and was worried something was wrong. Instead I was realizing that this was all surreal to me. I waited for this moment for so long but I was so terrified! What if something was wrong? How do we know if she's safe and healthy? He comforted me when I told him what was wrong and made me feel so much better.

AdisynBy this time I was ready! I then said to my doctor "She's ready! I don't think I can hold her in any longer!" He laughed and told me that it was ok to push. I felt very calm and relaxed. I was taking in every moment. I felt when I needed to push and was making good progress. Mark was very encouraging and excited at the same time. I loved having him beside me the whole step of the way!

1:08pm - Adisyn Hope was here weighing 5 lbs, 5 oz! It was a magical moment when I heard her roaring lungs cry and all of my fears went completely away. She was immediately placed on my chest and I held her in my arms. Mark was a proud daddy and took all the pictures he could and he cut the cord! I looked up at him, as I held Adisyn in my arms and we were so overwhelmed with happiness. We dreamt about this day for so long and it was finally here. She was perfect and the delivery couldn't have gone any smoother. We loved and appreciated every minute of it!

My doctor made the comment about Adisyn's placenta and he said that it was very small. This could be the reason why she was a little smaller in size or it could be an indication that the placenta was beginning to break down. Either way, Adisyn's size was larger than the high risk doctors predicted, which a good thing is in this case! The NICU staff was in the delivery room just in case, but it was a great feeling to see them leave. She was perfectly healthy!

3:00pm - We were finally placed in a "Mother-Baby" room. Mark's parents were on the floor waiting, and they were so excited to finally meet her! The nurses took her measurements and tested her for jaundice. Adisyn measured 18 3/4 inches long!

AdisynThe rest of the day and night pretty much ran together. We were so overwhelmed with all the nurses, the newborn pictures, visitors, phone calls, lactation consultant, birth certificate, pediatrician, OB, and I think there were so many other people that I just lost track of that we were exhausted! That night we took turns sleeping. We were so terrified to let her sleep without watching her! We knew that we had to get over this feeling, but for the first night we just couldn't bear to not be awake! We realized that this was irrational, but we waited so long for this moment to be in the presence of our little girl, but she was just so tiny, frail and helpless in our eyes. We just wanted to be there with her.

Adisyn and I were discharged on Friday and she weighed 4 lbs. 15 oz. We stayed an extra night to make sure Adisyn was receiving substantial nutrients from breastfeeding exclusively. As the night went on though, they were worried that because of her size, she would require additional calories. They suggested a combination of formula and breastfeeding, which actually was reassuring because we had a better gauge of how much she was taking in. After returning home, I started weaning off of the formula as my milk came in and just used the formula in cases when we weren't sure if she was satisfied, but I didn't have an ample milk supply yet to keep up, even with pumping. It's an ongoing learning experience, but we're starting to get the hang of it.

Daddy and AdisynNow, having a baby after a loss we realize that we view life and our child's existence differently. We know we're going to overreact at times; after all, we're new at this. At first, we were worried at every little movement or lack thereof. Was she breathing? Is she moving? Is this normal? But, now that we are getting use to things a little, we feel so much more at ease. We both think of Ada daily and we always will. As Mark and I were lying on our bed one night I just began to cry again. I love this moment with Adisyn living and breathing in front of us, which is such a blessing to witness! At the same time, we wish Ada was able to share this moment with us. Then I realize, she always will!

We feel so blessed to have Adisyn as our sweet little girl. We look forward to our next journey as we watch her grow. I did realize amidst of all of this that Mark and I make a great team! I am so thankful for such a wonderful husband, our sweet little Adisyn and our angel in heaven, Ada.

Thank you to everyone who followed my journals. I met some great and lasting friendships on here that I cherish. I hope that my journey renews hope in someone who has followed me for the past year and a half. I hope you enjoyed the ride!

  Rebecca

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