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Rebecca's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 14
~ Don't Have to Pretend

We try to pretend, but we're scared. Mark and I encourage each other when we find out good news about the baby but we are both so scared. I do notice that each week seems to be getting a little better. Each piece of good news is just that much more encouraging. My nausea and fatigue have really gotten much better. I even have started to feel a little baby movement. I noticed the movement isn't very strong or consistent yet, but it's promising! It's hard to tell how the baby is doing in between doctor visits when it's too small to feel anything. I know each week the baby will be getting stronger and stronger.

I've been back reading my baby magazines. We had so many sent to us over the past year after we lost Ada and when I would receive them, instead of feeling upset about getting them, I would just tuck them away in a drawer and say "I'll be reading these again soon." They are so helpful and give so much advice that I know I have no clue about! It's my way of starting to get prepared for the baby. Also, each week we read "My Pregnancy Week to Week" and learn about how the baby is developing. We look forward to that day and really like reading it together.

I'm so grateful to have this journal, close friends, and my husband to confide in. In my day-to-day life I go to work and pretend that I'm feeling good. The people at my work know that I'm pregnant but have no idea of the emotional ride we are on. If it wasn't for all of this support I would just have to pretend. But, we're so thankful for what we have and the people who are there who understand us so we don't have to pretend.

Thank you for listening and I look forward to talking to you next week!

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