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Rebecca's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 19
~ In Loving Memory of Our Little Ada

This week was very special to us because it was Ada's one year anniversary. We weren't sure how we would feel or what we would do but for the past month I was emotionally anticipating it. This past month I noticed that I was finding myself getting sad, anxious and worried a lot more often. I'm not sure if it was because of the last ultrasound appointment and not hearing what we were hoping we would hear or it was just a combination of that and the anticipation of Ada's birthday. This past week was especially hard because I try to pretend that everything is okay at work, but the anniversary was overwhelming my mind.

Thankfully, Mark was off from work on the weekend so we took our two German Shepherds and went to the beach. This is actually the first time we've taken our dogs on vacation with us because we usually leave them with my in-laws. But, we wanted to do something different and we knew they'd enjoy it along with it being a special time for us to spend together away from everything else. We had a great time and we began to realize that we weren't any more saddened than any other day. We miss Ada every day and her birthday is just a day to celebrate what we had with her. We had set up a memorial fund in honor of Ada and we're in the process of making it public so we can use the money to donate to the hospital and to other families in a similar circumstance. We truly feel Ada was a blessing and that this is a great way to share in her memory.

At the beach we rented bicycles and spent the whole time riding around the island and it was beautiful! The dogs were amazed by the wild deer that would come right up to the townhouse at night. They loved swimming in the ocean and they even took some bike rides with us! One thing we noticed was that there were a lot of butterflies, more than we've ever seen before. Butterflies are always something that reminds us of Ada, for what it symbolizes. To us, it was God's way of reminding us that Ada is always with us, on her birthday and every day. The following is a poem that was giving to us after we left the hospital when we lost Ada and we now keep in a shadow box that we made for her:

A Symbol of Hope

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
and for a brief moment its glory
and beauty belong to our world
but then it flies again
and though we wish it could have stayed . . .
we feel lucky to have seen it.
~ Author Unknown

Now that it has been a year since we lost Ada, we can anticipate how we can share her memory each of the following years with her little sister. We want to treat her birthday as a special day to remember her because we will continue to miss her every day. We are grateful we were able to spend this special day together, with our dogs, our bundle of joy in toe, and with Ada, who will always be with us!


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