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Rebecca's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 29
~ Making Room

A lot has happened since I wrote my last journal. That day that I wrote my journal, I took my female German Shepherd, Zoie, for a walk. I was excited to take her, seeing that the doctor did not want me to go to the gym anymore, but walking the dog was acceptable. I guess it's my last bit of freedom. I put her on the leash and we started down the road. Two Pit Bulls approached us, and before I knew it the male Pit Bull jumped on Zoie, grabbing her shoulder and neck while bringing her to the ground. I felt helpless as I screamed and tried the best I could to fight the dog off of her. Our dogs are like our children to us and it's such an indescribable feeling seeing her being attacked, not able to fight back and me not able to help her. My neighbor heard my screams and scared the dogs away. As I walked back towards my house to get her inside, the dogs charged us two more times and I thought for sure they were going to attack us again. Luckily my neighbor was still close-by and was able to scare the dogs away from us so we could go inside safely. As I got her inside, I knelt to the floor and I cried as I held her. I checked her for injuries and I felt some blood on her shoulder. I immediately called Mark, who was at work, and then he called 911. He raced home and we took her to the emergency veterinarian.

Zoie is doing ok now. She had a huge gash on her shoulder that went through the muscle, some puncture wounds and she is of course terrified! This was such an emotional experience for all of us. Mark handles the situation differently than I do. I am emotional and upset. He just gets mad! He was so worried about me being in a high risk pregnancy and fighting these dogs off and Zoie, who we love and are so close to. The Animal Control officer told us that these dogs have attacked before and she's had numerous calls to their house. It just makes me not feel safe in my own neighborhood.

My in-laws made a surprise visit (they live 2 hours away) that Sunday. They knew Mark had to work all weekend so they wanted to check on me and Zoie. They were able also bring the remaining baby things that we received from our shower that we had a couple of weeks ago. We now see how much baby things we actually have, and I'm ready to get everything organized! Mark's father took apart our desk so we could move it to its new location and we were able to get most of the stuff out of the office so it can be officially called Adisyn's room. After they left I spent the remainder of the day getting everything ready for Mark to paint, hopefully it won't be too long!

I had two appointments with the high risk doctor this week (Monday and Thursday). Each visit they are doing the BPP, which I mentioned in my last journal. Basically, because she didn't pass last week, they want to keep an eye on it to make sure she's doing everything she should. The first visit this week she passed right away, but they put me on the monitor, just in case, because of what happened last week. It's so cute to hear and see her hiccups! It's one of those little things that makes you realize that she's doing good. After everything checked out alright, I was able to return to work. Thursday's appointment went even quicker! She passed the test right away and they were confident enough not to put me on the monitor. I told the ultrasound tech that my co-workers made a point of having some food for me to eat right before I left for my appointment so Adisyn would pass and it worked! The good news is that since she passed this week with no complications, then I only have to go to the high risk doctor one time a week from now on. I know that I thought I'd be long gone from the high risk doctors at this point, but now that they found how small her stomach is measuring, they really want to keep an eye on it, so I guess it adds to our assurance that she's doing well. Plus, we get to see her each week . . . that's an added bonus!

When settling in for the night, on Thursday, I started feeling heavy pressure in my lower abdomen. I started to notice that the pain and pressure was traveling from my lower pelvis to my inner thighs. It almost felt like I was riding a bike too long or that deep pain I would get occasionally with a heavy period. I kept telling myself that it had to be hormonal; the increase in hormones are expanding my pelvis, giving Adisyn more room. The pain and pressure continued all night and when I would change from one side to the other, it was painful. The next day at work I was still having pain but I noticed that it felt a little bit better when I sat down (I am usually standing all day). After I got out of work (I get out early on Fridays) I told Mark it was still bothering me, so I was going to go home and lay down. He really wanted me to call my doctor, just to see what they'd say. When the doctor's office called me back, they told me the doctor wanted me to go to labor and delivery. Now I was scared. I wondered why they couldn't just see me in the office? Or, what if it really wasn't anything and now I'm going to the hospital. I just didn't want to sound paranoid.

Mark was working so I drove myself to the hospital. It was hard going up to the labor and delivery floor, because it was the first time I've been there since we lost Ada. I was also afraid what they were going to say, what if they put me on bed rest? I had to wait about an hour for them to have one of the triage rooms ready for me. As I sat in the waiting room, it was hard to be comfortable because of the constant pressure. I was scared, but I put my hand on my stomach and I felt a couple good kicks from Adisyn like she was telling me "Mommy, I'm ok in here" and it made me smile. When I finally got a room, they put the monitor on me and they did a Fetal Fibronectin test, which determines if there's a chance if you're in, or going to be going into, pre-term labor. I waited over an hour in the room for the results, which was negative. I was talking to Mark on the phone throughout my wait, because he was so worried and he was going to leave work the second he heard anything. It was a relief to know that everything looks normal and that Adisyn's heart rate looked great. On the other hand, I didn't want to be one of those people that just went to the hospital for every little thing. When my doctor came into the room, she reassured me that it was good that I called and that if it was preterm labor, it's best to catch it early, so I did the right thing. The only explanation that they gave me for the pain and pressure is that each pregnancy the baby will sit lower and lower because your pelvic floor muscles are weaker. Since was that since this was a new pain to me, how am I going to know next time when I should call my doctor again?

This weekend I plan to just relax. It seems like we had a busy, eventful week and I have so much to look forward to in the upcoming weeks. In a way, it was good that I was able to go back to the hospital before Adisyn is born so I don't have any distressing feelings towards the place because it's going to be such a joyful and emotional event. I just want her to be in there as long as possible, so that we know that she's healthy. So, as Adisyn is creating more space inside of my pelvis, I just need to make more room to relax. We have such an exciting week coming and I need to get my rest to prepare for it!


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