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Rebecca's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 36
~ Going Down?

This week I really was feeling like Adisyn is moving down. At my bi-weekly doctor's appointments, everything looked good. As they did the Strep B test, they also checked my cervix and I'm 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. It appears that this really doesn't mean that going into labor is imminent, but it's progress. The doctor also reported that he thought I lost my mucus plug and she is moving down so far that he can now touch her head! To me it's strange to think that she is that close to being out, both physically and the fact that it can really happen any day now. In fact, my regular OB said that after my appointment with the high risk doctor on Tuesday, when they do the growth ultrasound, if they make the call to induce then it's actually going to happen the next day, on Wednesday… that's next week! We'll see what they say, we're ready either way!

As we prepare the last minute details of Adisyn's arrival, I find myself agonizing over the next step of motherhood - raising a newborn! This is very scary to me because of all the sleepless nights and inexperience we have. As I wash her delicate little clothes, I realize I'm fretting over "what if this laundry detergent irritates her skin" even though I know I bought the correct kind, as well as other meaningless worries. But then I realize, Mark and I are going to make so many mistakes, but that's just part of it. So, for now, we're just going to do the best we can and just learn as we go!

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. After a change of plans, Mark's parents didn't end up coming over to our house for dinner, but they came over later that night. It was nice to be able to spend some quiet time with Mark, because I know next year is going to be a whole different story. We made some of Mark's favorite Christmas appetizers and laid back and watched Christmas movies, it was great! I visited my entire family via Skype, as they were all together on Christmas Eve. They all live about 16 hours away, so we don't see them too often. My dad lives about six hours from them, and he was even there with the family. I really felt like I was there!

The next day was my birthday so I'm now 32, which is the same age my mother was when she had me. Mark hasn't had my birthday off in many years, and I happened to have the day off from work as well, so I was very excited! We didn't get each other anything for Christmas, because of the remodel we did on our house (and we have the greatest gift of all heading our way), so for my birthday I just told Mark I wanted to take a day trip somewhere. He planned the whole thing as we spent the day in Atlanta at the aquarium and then went out to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. It was perfect!

We had a great Christmas and we have so much to look forward to in the New Year. Although we may be preoccupied with the newborn jitters - we know it'll all be worth it!


Week 37 | Week 35
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