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Rebecca's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 8
~ Needing Time to Unwind

To sum up how I've felt this week in two words: sick and tired. It's strange because I actually feel my best when I first wake up, but as the day goes on my nausea and fatigue gets worse, which makes my 9 1/2 hour day at work very exhausting. And I'm still feeling like I'm constantly hungry! But, on the flip side, when I am feeling this way I just think to myself that everything must be developing correctly for me to feel that bad. I've squeezed in a few workouts when my nausea was a little more tolerable, which, surprisingly, makes me feel so much better!

This past week I also had my pelvic exam with my OB. It was nice because Mark went with me and waited in the waiting room until the exam was over, then we went into her office to discuss how this pregnancy was going to be treated a little differently. The good news that you love to hear is "everything looks normal so far." But, I was told that I have to see the high risk OB for my first ultrasound and my anatomy ultrasound. She also wanted us to see a genetic counselor, which we declined, because we already talked with the genetic counselor when we found out there was something wrong with Ada. Mark and I were both on the same page with this. We felt like if we went to talk to the genetic counselor again she would say the same things she did last time about our chances of this happening again and then suggest all these tests that we could have done early on in the pregnancy which would just make us feel more paranoid. We were told before, that based on Ada's chromosomes, it appeared that her deletion occurred spontaneously and the chances were very slim that we passed it. Of course that made us feel better, but we're still going to worry. Now, as it stands, my appointment for my first ultrasound with the high risk OB is scheduled this week.

After leaving the appointment we were both felt even more worried. Mark felt like my OB didn't give us enough information that he wanted. I felt more anxious because of the feelings that I felt last time I was at the high risk OB. He was the one that diagnosed Ada's disorder and delivered the bad news. I also am scared because at this point in my pregnancy it's hard to know if the baby is ok. I haven't had any assurance with an ultrasound or heartbeat monitor for them to tell me the baby is growing fine. I guess I was just hoping they'd do everything more quickly with my second pregnancy and not have me wait. But, I know that we're going to feel this way at this point and the only time that we'll feel satisfied is when we have a healthy baby in our arms.

Mark's parents came and stayed the weekend with us. I think that part of what is making me feel so tired is that we haven't had a weekend to just relax. Last weekend we drove to see my dad and this past weekend was his parents. I'm glad that this weekend we will just be able to unwind!

Until next week!

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