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Rebecca's Trying to Conceive Journal

Entry 10 - February 1, 2014
Taboo

I wanted to update my journal because I'm not sure what I'm feeling and I thought this would sort it out. I went to the RE, and I feel like I am starting over. Mark was reluctant for me to return as well, since we didn't have any results when I saw them a year ago. Still, I talked to a good friend who is actually a patient of the same RE and she is now pregnant. I shared with her my situation and what better person to share with than one who has been through a similar situation. She has so much empathy that it's very comforting. She was hoping that if I returned to the RE then they would give me some answers and some good news!

The RE was very curious on what has been going on this past year. I again felt like I had a whirlwind of information given to me. To make a long story short he suggest that I had to decide that day if I was going to: (1) go through with IUI in conjunction with a trigger shot or (2) do the trigger shot to stimulation ovulation. Based on the results from either one of these they will recheck my hormone levels. If, for some reason this doesn't work, he fears my tubes could be blocked since we have been trying for some time, and he wants me to do further testing. I chose option (2) and I was hoping Mark could be there with me to make the decision but since the timing was so crucial I had to make the decision right then and there. When I actually had time to think about (after I actually made the decision) I know I made the right one. In the past the injections were terrifying and I it took me a long time to do it the first time (I am afraid of needles). But now, I feel like a pro (not really but I was able to do it without hesitating). So it was needle time!

It's hard to share all of this because I feel like doing fertility treatments is so taboo. People don't talk about it and if they do people judge them for the decisions they made. It's not like you can just strike up a conversation with a friend about your fertility, because who knows what to say?

After the HCG was taken I was just hoping the timing was right. I know that the RE knows what they are doing and my follicles looked great and ready! Since all of this, though, I have become extremely fatigued this past week. When I get home from work I am ready for bed! At the same time I'm afraid to put too much hope and be disappointed, but I do feel good about everything. I also fear what the next course of action is if this month is not the one, but I am telling myself not to worry about what could happen, instead be confident with what progress we've made.

I am so thankful for Mark who is with me through all of this and my friend, who is been through all of this and has shared her story with me. I know I have everything on my side and it makes me so much more excited to be sharing it with you!

Rebecca

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