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Rebecca's Trying to Conceive Journal

Entry 2 - August 24, 2013
The Best Job in the World

I love being a mom! During my 20's I focused on my education. I enjoyed my line of work so furthering my education made sense. After finishing school (again) about four years ago now, is when we decided to start a family. Even though I chose my field that I work in, I never imagined that being a mother would be so much more fulfilling than any job can even come close to. It's hard for me to have to go to work every day. I am thankful that I have a job and I realize that both Mark and I have to work, but it doesn't make it any easier. I just try to think about the role model that I am being for my daughter. My parents have high school degrees and growing up with just my mom; she had to work to provide the basics. I think it's a great example to Adisyn to see that her parents have both worked hard to give her a better life. Still, I realize that I lost the luster for my job. After all, how can anything compare to being a mother? It is the most important, rewarding yet challenging job in the whole world and there's no degree for that!

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My style of TTC is charting my BMT each morning, besides monitoring my CM. I find that doing this gives me better understanding of my body function. For the most part your body follows a pattern, so you can better predict when you're most fertile or when and if you're going to start another cycle. As I mentioned in my last journal, my cycle has been regulating. This month, though, I had a series of ups and downs. When my temperature stays up I think "this could be good!", but then I would get a dip and I think "there's still hope". Then, my temperature took a dip into deep water, and didn't return - I got the dreaded AF. Every month I am thinking "we did everything right, this is it!"

Since I am writing this journal I paid even more attention to my emotional state and I realized that the stress doesn't hit me all month until the days, or maybe the week when the app is predicting my period. I actually try not to look ahead, then it's more like I'm counting until the days I expect AF. I don't want to expect my period. So, I try not to look ahead. But, like I said, that week leading up to everything, I do find myself getting somewhat stressed. Then the night before the expected date is the worse! I don't think I slept much that night. When AF did come to visit, it was very, very heavy. These past couple of months has been nothing like I've ever experienced before. I think it makes the whole thing that much more dramatic. AF makes her entrance in such a powerful way! Wow, thanks for that blow to the face!

So, this month was not the month. I am going to be hopeful and praying that this cycle is going to be the one. My body is ready and we are ready. In the meantime I am going to do what I love and do best, being a mom. Adisyn brings such joy and love to our lives and we can't wait to make her a big sister and share our love with another miracle! Did I mention I love being a mom?!

Rebecca

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