I love being a mom! During my 20's I focused on my education. I enjoyed my line of work so furthering my education made sense. After finishing school (again) about four years ago now, is when we decided to start a family. Even though I chose my field that I work in, I never imagined that being a mother would be so much more fulfilling than any job can even come close to. It's hard for me to have to go to work every day. I am thankful that I have a job and I realize that both Mark and I have to work, but it doesn't make it any easier. I just try to think about the role model that I am being for my daughter. My parents have high school degrees and growing up with just my mom; she had to work to provide the basics. I think it's a great example to Adisyn to see that her parents have both worked hard to give her a better life. Still, I realize that I lost the luster for my job. After all, how can anything compare to being a mother? It is the most important, rewarding yet challenging job in the whole world and there's no degree for that!
My style of TTC is charting my BMT each morning, besides monitoring my CM. I find that doing this gives me better understanding of my body function. For the most part your body follows a pattern, so you can better predict when you're most fertile or when and if you're going to start another cycle. As I mentioned in my last journal, my cycle has been regulating. This month, though, I had a series of ups and downs. When my temperature stays up I think "this could be good!", but then I would get a dip and I think "there's still hope". Then, my temperature took a dip into deep water, and didn't return - I got the dreaded AF. Every month I am thinking "we did everything right, this is it!"
Since I am writing this journal I paid even more attention to my emotional state and I realized that the stress doesn't hit me all month until the days, or maybe the week when the app is predicting my period. I actually try not to look ahead, then it's more like I'm counting until the days I expect AF. I don't want to expect my period. So, I try not to look ahead. But, like I said, that week leading up to everything, I do find myself getting somewhat stressed. Then the night before the expected date is the worse! I don't think I slept much that night. When AF did come to visit, it was very, very heavy. These past couple of months has been nothing like I've ever experienced before. I think it makes the whole thing that much more dramatic. AF makes her entrance in such a powerful way! Wow, thanks for that blow to the face!
So, this month was not the month. I am going to be hopeful and praying that this cycle is going to be the one. My body is ready and we are ready. In the meantime I am going to do what I love and do best, being a mom. Adisyn brings such joy and love to our lives and we can't wait to make her a big sister and share our love with another miracle! Did I mention I love being a mom?!
Entry 3 | Entry 1
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