Week 30 ~ September 30, 2002
Week 30 seems like such a milestone. Forget the third trimester! I'm in the 4th quarter now!!!! I should be reeling with excitement, but for some reason at this point, I start getting really impatient instead. A few wakeful nights and I just want that due date to come now! I also start imagining all the bad-case scenarios. I've never had to have a C-Section before -- what if this baby is breech? Or I've envisioned umbilical cord entangled and the baby at best needs to be oxygenated (we've all heard the stories). Why am I playing all these scenes in my mind? Maybe it's just like at the beginning of pregnancy, when I wonder about miscarriage or worry about what I might have breathed in or eaten that may be harmful to the baby. Then the middle months come with ease to the body and ease to the brain. The closer I get to my delivery date, the more I worry again. At least I stopped watching that "Maternity Ward" show on TV (I actually only watched it once) -- they have too many emergency situations that I don't need to fill my mind with. Perhaps I should be getting out my books about the baby's first year to start preparing for the newborn wonders and look off to the pleasant and peaceful instead of the worst.
And I do know that as fast as this last month has gone, the next two will also. It's already getting close enough that I'm having to make plans near the due date, for which I have no way to predict. I do like the aspect of not having to commit to too much. It seems like every time my kids come home from school, I'm flooded with papers to sign wanting volunteers, desserts, drivers, whatever for all sorts of upcoming events. I'm signing up through October, then I'm stepping back to keep November and December free. It's kind of exciting to have an uncertain time ahead of me. (See how quickly my mindset changes from one paragraph to the next? :) Such are my yo-yoing thoughts and emotions these days!)
One thing I've noticed myself doing this past week is looking at my youngest children with wonder and amazement. My 3 year old daughter is currently the baby of the family -- and it's hard not to think of her as such. She delights us throughout each and every day with her beautiful songs and her precious spirited voice.
But I also still see my 6 year old son (will be 6 1/2 any day now, much to his delight) as my baby boy too. He's not nearly as advanced as my other children all are and has been late in his ability to communicate both with speech and understanding others. He passed Kindergarten last year, but with much one-on-one assistance. He's actually progressing much better than I ever imagined a year ago, yet I still see him as a few years younger than he is. He is so sweet and so innocent that I just love to scoop him up and smother him with hugs and kisses. He's still my baby boy.
I love to take these last few months and relish in my youngest as the babies for as long as I can because I know that once the real baby comes, I won't have as much time for my older children. Yet, we all are fulfilled in new ways with the new baby in our family. So where they may be missing some time with me, they are gaining moments with their new sibling. My 3 year old was just telling a visiting relative today that she's going to hold her new baby soon. That will be a wonderful day indeed.