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Robin's Pregnancy Journal

Week 14 ~ October 10, 2005
~ What is it?!

My journals are starting to sound repetitive because I still can't seem to shake this morning sickness! Lately I've had the pleasure of being woken up by the nauseous feeling from within. It's very unpredictable at times too... I'll feel great one minute and be doubled over the next - not a fun thing to happen while driving!

Winter is finally here in Alaska! We actually had our first snow during the last week of September. Today it snowed all day and finally stuck. I normally hate cold weather but I'll be glad when the ground is covered for the season because it's been a loooong time since anyone has mowed the lawn in my backyard! One less thing to worry about now! I'm sure Kevin will appreciate it next spring with the snow melts and he's left with a jungle to cut. Apparently he loves doing yard work though, which I never would have guessed. That's fine with me, I'll break out the lawn chairs for me and baby and we'll watch the master gardener play in the dirt.

We're debating whether or not to find out the sex of the baby. I've always felt very strongly that this is one of life's great surprises that may only happen once (I pray). From the beginning I said that we would just wait until delivery day to find out if we're having a son or daughter. I don't think Kevin cared either way but he was right on board with me... until now because I've jumped ship. It would be so much easier to shop for the baby if we know what it is. Not to mention that it would cut our arguing in half when it comes to choosing a name!

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A huge reason why I'm thinking of finding out the sex is because I really don't feel that maternal bond with the baby yet. I know it's still early but I wasn't overly excited about being pregnant at first and I've been easing into it for the past 10 weeks (since I found out). People said that hearing the heartbeat would be a turning point for me. I loved hearing it but it didn't do as much for me as I thought it would. I felt reassured to know that things are progressing as they should but there was still no connection. Even after the ultrasound I still feel like there should be more to this than what I'm feeling. Granted, I haven't felt the baby move yet so things may change, plus I haven't even seen my husband since all this started! I just think that if I knew it was a girl/boy then I might be able to imagine all of this a little better in my head. I have too many 'unknown' variables in my life right now - many with Kevin's deployment and now with the baby. I want it all to start coming together, somehow.

As for what sex I'm hoping for? I'm not. Either one is fine with me. I took a silly online quiz to see which sex I would be a better Mom for and even that result came back as 'unpredictable'. Like I said last week though, Kevin wants a boy and I can't imagine him with a little girl. He likes to look up girl baby names though because they're cuter so maybe it's a sign?

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