The start of week 24 also coincides with the one year anniversary of testing positive with our fourth pregnancy, only a week later I miscarried. Poppy is what we named that child. All of our losses have been named. They are our flowers. Each named after their due date flower. Larkspur was our first, Snowdrop our second, Daffodil came third and last was Poppy. Poppy was the last straw so to say, without that loss I wouldn't have had further testing. I also decided to train as a loss doula because of Poppy. So much came of such a short little spark of life. I had so much hope for that little one. I can't believe it's been a year.
Ben's mother and sister came to visit. We had a wonderful time as we always do when they come. We hung out and talked, played games and explored Tucson a bit. We had a great time at the Desert Museum, Sabino Canyon and down town. It would have been a much better visit had I been healthy though. On night two of their stay I had an asthma attack. My first one while pregnant and let me tell you it was not fun. I started to have trouble breathing and tried a breathing treatment. It didn't help. I started to panic which is never helpful during an attack. I had Ben call the night number for the OB and ask what they wanted to do. They told him to keep me doing breathing treatments, 20 minutes apart until I'd done three and if that didn't work to go to Labor and Delivery at the hospital. While trying to do my second treatment I started to panic further, thinking about passing out while on route to the hospital and what would happen to the baby if I stopped breathing. I started to cry which plugged up my nose and made breathing that much harder. Thankfully Ben was able to stay calm and "talk me off of the ledge." We got to the third treatment together and I felt so much better. Around 7 am that morning I woke up again having trouble and I did three more treatments with a very sleepy but very supportive Ben helping me through. Yet another time when I don't know what I would have done without him.
I continued to have issues here and there but all controllable with my rescue inhaler thankfully. Hey, at least I didn't end up in the ER right? Hopefully next time Ria and Melissa visit I won't be ill. That would be nice as this is the second visit in a row that I was having issues breathing and coughing.
After the attack everything is a bit of a blur. We had friends over and I rested a lot over the next week. We started watching Christmas movies and did some online shopping for each other. We spent more on each other this year than most because we figure it's our last Christmas just the two of us. Next year will be all about our little boy. I can't wait. It feels wonderful to be positive this year. First time in a long time I feel like I can be happy and it's ok. I'm actually excited for Christmas this year. More so for the next one.