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Samantha's Pregnancy Journal

First Trimester
Fingers crossed! Fifth time's a charm?

Five days before I was due for my period I was feeling weird. Light headed, bloated and a bit cloudy in my head. Ben told me to take a test and I said it would be a waste. No way would I test positive so early. But like every other woman who is TTC I already had a bunch of tests laying in wait. It was the afternoon and I again thought it was stupid. I took the test. Before I could put it down on the counter, before the control line showed, the "pregnant" line saturated and was dark. I just sat there and laughed. Ben came in the bathroom and I didn't even need to tell him; he knew. We waited until my missed period to announce. July 17th we posted to Facebook asking everyone to cross their fingers and toes. Our first pregnancy since my diagnosis. I was scared!

Within days not only did my breasts hurt, which was not new for me during pregnancy but I was bloated beyond belief. I was so tired and nauseous. My legs began to ache so bad it would keep me up at night. Headaches, fuzzy minded, soapy taste off and on. Just about every symptom on the books. Ben said I was acting weird. I felt weird. In all my pregnancies I had mild symptoms and felt "normal" but this time was different. Anxiety and fear mixed with excitement and happiness every damn day! Such is pregnancy after multiple losses.

By 7 weeks I had my HCG checked, first time ever, and it was very high. Ben and I though maybe twins. I started having pulling pains in my hips when I sneezed. That was a new one. At 8 weeks, on the due date with my last pregnancy, I had my first ultrasound. One tiny bean was on the screen. The heartbeat was found right away and the little arm buds were wiggling around. The tech said the baby looked like a gummy bear. Our little gummy bear had a strong heartbeat and was sized perfectly. We were set up for another appointment and ultrasound a week later. We met with the genetic counselor who I don't think had ever seen a balanced translocation before. We talked and she sent us for another ultrasound. My little one didn't look like a gummy bear anymore. Little arms and legs were visible, the face was so little and sweet and the heartbeat was 171 bpm. Head over heels to have not one but two great ultrasounds. Now we had to talk about CVS vs amnio.

After much debate, Ben and I decided that we wanted to wait to have an amnio over the CVS as the latter has almost double the risk over the amnio. We did however talk about doing the CVS if our NT scan came back with unfavorable results. Our NT scan was set. At 11 weeks we went in again. Baby had changed so much again! I will forever be amazed at how fast they grow during early pregnancy. Little legs kicking around and what a face. We could see little fingers and I just want to kiss them. Our little one was so wiggly that it was hard for them to get a good look at the spine. What we could see is the nasal bone, which was perfect. We went to meet with one of the midwives at the office and after had another scan. This time baby stayed perfectly still for just the right amount of time to get a good look. Nice small nuchal fold. Baby was also measuring big, almost a full week. Perfect.

Five weeks to wait until our amnio. It was going to be very hard to wait that long to see our gummy bear, our little one, our rainbow. I could already feel my uterus peeking over my pubic bone. I couldn't believe I could feel exactly where my baby was. So new. Everything was so new. Coming into uncharted waters. I don't know how to do this. To have a healthy pregnancy. I know how to grieve, I know how to cry. I don't know how to be pregnant. Everything feels weird. Wonderfully weird!


Week 14 | Meet Sam
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Pregnancy Week-by-Week, Week 12

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