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Samantha's Pregnancy Journal

Week 20
Oh We're Half Way There!

This week went by so fast! We got multiple friends and family members asking us about a baby registry. We set up a registry when we were pregnant the first time. We had so much fun going around scanning items and having big dreams. It felt weird to think about doing it again but this is our first bring home baby and we will need help getting everything we need so off to Target we went.

We had a great time going through the aisles picking out stuff for our little boy. Some of the items were similar to what we chose the first time. Jungle-themed items. We've always loved jungle themed toys for babies. It was wonderful to be looking at clothes and toys as he wiggled around in my belly. I feel him so much more now. Everyday and sometimes all day I can feel him. Every flutter makes me giggle. I don't know if I'll ever get use to the feeling. I don't really want to.

We had our anatomy scan this week too. I just love seeing him. I'm going to miss having so many ultrasounds but I can't wait to change care over to the midwives at the birth center here in Tucson. I saw them with my third pregnancy and they were wonderful. I love my care at OBX but I really don't want to give birth in a hospital. He looks so beautiful. Everything was perfect. He was measuring big again. I think we're going to have a big boy on our hands when March comes around. I can't wait. He has Ben's nose, you can tell that already. I'm so in love with this little boy. I just want to kiss his little fingers and toes. March can't get here fast enough.

A mother in the BT support group had a stillborn daughter this week. I couldn't help but cry. After being through so much, she lost a healthy child to placental abruption. Nothing could be done. No one could have stopped it. My heart breaks for her and her family. I hold my belly tight just thinking about it. This is the world I live in. Loss doula, mother of loss, BT mom, all of these make pregnancy and infant loss a huge part of my world. It hurts me every time I see a post. The BT losses touch me the most, these are my sisters and brothers, their hurt is my hurt. We just have to keep going. Get mad and cry but keep going.

The things we go through for those little faces.

Samantha

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