Week 28 - September 19, 2006
If this had been my private journal, I know I would have spent more time mentioning how all my pregnancy events related to my personal beliefs and faith. But since I have been posting these things on the internet, I have tried to write more neutrally--nothing to reference my spiritual leanings, my politics, or anything like that. However, I have realized that it puts me in a bit of a false light. For I am indeed very much a person of faith, with my beliefs in God and religion significantly providing the framework of my life and goals and efforts.
It is because I believe in a loving, caring Father in Heaven that I can endure, if not exactly enjoy, this whole pregnancy experience. And as much as I may complain about the illness and yuckiness of the whole thing, I know deep down that it will all be worth it. I know that this experience is a trial for me, but I also believe that it is a trial I need to have. There is much in this for me to learn. To grow. To become a better person. It is my faith that sustains me day to day.
I give thanks to my husband and family and good friends who are helping me through this event, but I know where my gratitude ultimately lays. It is with my God who watches over me, protects me and this unborn child, and who loves us all very much. It is He who gives us hope to keep going, gives meaning to our daily lives, and gives us reason to go beyond ourselves. It is because of Him that I am a mother, that I believe in the sanctity of marriage and families, that I can appreciate the miracle of birth (even while I question the insanity of pregnancy).
I know that I can be quite negative about my experience of pregnancy, and that it why I wanted to step back and take the opportunity to mention that I see the bigger picture. I have always known it, and I rely on that perspective daily. In this forum I tell the facts of what my physical body is going through, and these things are hard for me. It is hard to feel sick all the time and continue to be a wife and mother and member of the human race. But I do have a faith that gives me strength and purpose, and I am so grateful for it.