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Shawna's Single Parenting Journal

~ Meet Shawna

ShawnaHi! My name is Shawna, and I am a 30 year old divorced mom of a 3 year old son, Keegan. I work full time in case management and am hoping to attend law school at some point. My ex-husband, Charley, and I were married in September 2004. We have very different personalities so I guess the old saying opposites attract rang true for us. He was truly the love of my life. I enjoyed every moment I spent with him in the beginning.

He is a drug addict and alcoholic, which I was aware of from the beginning; however he was actively trying and succeeding in staying clean and sober. He managed to do that until I was about six months pregnant with Keegan. He began using and staying gone all night, which escalated into days at a time. This was an awful strain on our marriage and made things very difficult. I lost a lot of trust in him and that made things even worse. During the summer of 2006 I found out that he had been cheating on me and his mistress was pregnant. We had a somewhat on again off again relationship for a few months, but were divorced that November. We got together again shortly thereafter and have been together until last month. Things never were good between us after the affair, and he continued with it throughout most of the past year and half. He has moved back in with his mistress now that we have split for good. I know that things should have ended for good when we were divorced, I just loved him so much and I wanted so badly for Keegan to grow up with both of his parents that I thought maybe we could make it work and Charley would change.

I think the hardest thing for me at this point is knowing that Keegan misses his daddy. I know that in the long run, we are better off this way because I certainly don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is unfaithful and I don't want Keegan to grow up thinking that the way Charley has lived his life is right. I also know that it is not good for kids to see their parents fight and live in that type of environment. So here we are.

Keegan just turned 3 in May and he certainly keeps me busy. He is very active and loves to be on the run. He is definitely the light of my life. I try to keep a pretty stable schedule so we can keep things as easy as possible. I work 40+ hours a week so a routine is essential. Because of my job I don't get to spend as much time with him during the week as I would like to, but it does make the time we spend together that much more special. We spend a lot of time playing with "Thomas the Train" and Disney "Cars". I have also taken on the task of fishing with him, as he likes to go fishing and daddy isn't around to do it. (Fishing is definitely not my choice of activity. Lol). But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

While I worry about Keegan growing up without his father, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and this is how God meant it to be. So I will do the best I can. Thanks for letting me share my up and downs with you!

~ Shawna

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