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Week 16
~ April 8, 2003
It's official, I can't really sleep directly on my stomach anymore! I can sleep kinda sideways/on my stomach, but not directly on it, and I know it's just going to get worse. I don't mind actually; I've been waiting for this stomach to really look like it's pregnant and not like it's fat, so I am pleased. I even tried on some maternity clothes I bought at a local thrift store (4 dresses and one pair of jean shorts for $11!!!) and they all fit great, looking like I can actually start wearing them soon and look like I am actually pregnant.
I've also started feeling the baby move a bit, not sure if I mentioned it before. I can't really describe how good that feels. It makes me feel as if everything is going to be all right . . . for once? We'll see. Only two weeks 'til the amnio.
Last week was crazy and it helped me not to dwell too much on my worries. Tomorrow I am going to a Bon Jovi concert (my faves!) and I know that will go a long way in giving me a boost of self confidence.
I found out my ex-sister-in-law had a healthy baby on March 28 and for the first time since Alex died 8 years ago I actually was not jealous or felt bitter of my bad luck or anything like I usually do. Is this baby healing me? I hope he does; I need a pregnancy to have a good outcome for once in my life.
Not sure what else I can say other than I am just taking each day as it comes. I eat when I am hungry and I rest when I can. I try not to be supermom yet I try to get everything done that I can. I also try to stay busy as not to give myself time to dwell on what could very well be negative thoughts. It was easier when I was pregnant with Nicky because I was working. Now being at home and working from home does not give me much of a chance to fraternize and talk to others, so I feel quite lonely, so I welcome busy times.
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