~ July 3, 2003
The beginning of this week I was still at camp with my son . . . still with swollen feet. The drive back went pretty smooth (a 5 hour drive) and Nicky slept the whole way, bless his heart. When I got back home I immediately checked all my pregnancy books about the feet swelling problem, and some really, really scared me. They stated that I would need to contact the OBGYN immediately as it was most likely a case of pre-eclampsia . . . yikes! I have a friend who lost a baby to this and did not like the sound of that one tiny little bit. However, a more comprehensive book clearly stated that "edema", which is the swelling of the feet and ankles, is very common in pregnancy and that a large percentage of women have this. Furthermore it stated that the only reason why I would worry about pre-eclampsia was if my hands and face would also start to swell. Phew! My hands and face are fine, plus my feet started de-flating and I no longer have this problem, making me wonder why this happened at camp? Very strange.
I also had a breastfeeding class this week! I found it to be quite educational. I plan to breastfeed for a LOONG time! Two years if I can, or as long as possible. I know the benefits of breast milk and I've always wanted to do it. When Alex was stillborn and my milk came in I felt like it was such a slap in the face . . . ugh. Then with Nicky, his mouth being so sore and messed up, he was unable to breastfeed, and his bottles were made for babies that can't suck. I pumped for a month but then it was so painful, and the milk supply was dwindling to the point that Nicky might get half a bottle a day that it became impossible to continue. At the class I learned that pumping should NOT hurt, so I must have had that electric pump set at some weird setting. Now I know that there are lactation consultants to help with this stuff, but at the time I was so involved in Nicky's care that I must not have paid attention to see if someone was willing to help (such as a lactation consultant), or perhaps, nobody offered to help. Who knows.
I also had a doctor's appointment yesterday, and it was the first time I saw the actual doctor that I had initially chosen--the other doctor in her practice was taking her place for the past few months. I really like both of these doctors and I really love the nurse practitioner too. They seem to be a very caring bunch. Since this new doctor had never seen me she asked me some standard questions, but when looking at my chart she then started asking me why I needed all these extra tests (amnio, assorted high level ultrasounds, extra blood tests and the need to be seen by a specialist and the coming non-stress tests) but before I could answer she looked up at my age (38 yesterday, 39 today . . . yikes!) and she said, "Oh, never mind!" She then added how I did not look that old at all! I took it as a compliment, of course!
I then asked her to give me a 'date' for the scheduled c-section, and she stated that she wanted to do it one day after my 38th week, which is September 5th. I was initially disappointed because I was hoping for a "4th", since it seems tradition in my family that all their grandchildren have been born on the 4th except for my Nicky. After I got home I realized that September 5th is a Friday (and I was born on a Friday as well), plus the birthday is something sort of unreal . . . check it out . . . 9-5-03. Sounds familiar? Alex was born/died in 3-95. Surreal to say the least. What does this mean? Is Alex's soul in this baby? Whether that is true or not, that thought is extremely comforting.