~ August 30, 2003
This past week was fairly hum-hum with nothing really going on except for getting things ready for the baby (mostly just washing clothes) until a call from the school nurse early in the week precipitated things into a 3 day hospital and doctor ordeal for my 6 year old. I think what made this especially hard on me is the fact that I am just HUGE right now (will post some last pics soon), the fact that I have very little energy, the fact that I can't really pick up my 6 year old (at 50 lbs he's a bit on the heavier side for me right now) and now I cannot stand for long periods of time without needing to sit down. I also had to sleep in the hospital, and as everyone knows (or should know I guess!) is that getting a full night of sleep at the hospital is an oxymoron; it just doesn't happen. Every hour or so one of his machines would beep, or someone would come in wanting to get blood pressure, temperature, blood or whatever else and I had to get up and be on my feet to be mother hen and protect my son from injuries from people that do not understand how fragile his skin really is.
I am also having a hard time sleeping anyway because I can't get comfortable so that didn't help. So, the next day I was exhausted. The NST that I had to go to the day before was normal (thank God) and the nurse took care of my son while I made a run for my OBGYN appointment; I was afraid I might not be able to keep but I knew I had to. I had to pick up a prescription for me because a test revealed I have Group B Strep (great!) and make sure that the hospital knows about this when I go in to have this baby. She checked my cervix and it's still shut (no surprise here) and we talked about my one foot that is swollen while the other one is not. All of this while I was fighting the tears thinking of my 6 year old in the hospital that could have a cardiac failure as far as the doctors knew at the time. I was a basket case. Thankfully that evening we were discharged and my son was okay with no fear of Cardiac Arrest, but I felt all this worry had taken a toll on me. I also thought how ironic everything was working out. I waited until the last minute to get the baby's stuff (car seat-bassinet etc) and now I may not have the time to do it all. When my Alex was stillborn at full term, I had to go home to a house that had been ready for baby for MONTHS and the most excruciating thing that I will never forget is having to take everything down and out, it was just so painful. So now I feel I am protecting myself by waiting until the last minute to get everything in order and ready. It's actually a hard thing for me to do because I am always one that plans way ahead for many things, such as planning Christmas presents during the summer, but this . . . I cannot help. My psyche is too important right now.
One more week! I am excited and nervous and worried all wrapped up in a tidy little package. I have many doctors appointments coming up and I hope everything goes by normally . . . here's wishing!