~ January 21, 2003
This past week has been kinda strange. My feelings varied from excitement to "whatever happens, happens" to afraid that I might miscarry when my breasts don't feel sore for a minute. I know this is probably very common and normal, but it feels like my moods are a lot more varied than I remember.
My first doctor appointment came and went. I did not even see the doctor, but the nurse practitioner, who took down my whole entire sad history. Sigh. Because of my 'advanced' age (38) I asked for every test imaginable and they were only too willing to help! Before I knew it they signed me up to take 6 vials of blood! Yikes. They are supposed to call me today if any of the tests came back bad. I am hoping the phone will not ring. If something was wrong with this baby I am not sure how I would handle it. Emotionally I am completely drained by Nicky's condition to even think or consider raising another disabled child.
I am still very cautious on telling people. So far I only told my mom (which so far I know told my sister since my sister emailed me with congrats, I don't know who else) and one other good friend. That's it. My cousin wrote me today so when I reply to him I will tell him as well. He's been always so kind and supportive, I don't mind him knowing. How long before I make the big 'announcement'? I am not sure. Maybe in early March, when the first trimester is over. Greg also finally told his mom! I like Greg's mom! She is a very compassionate and understanding person, so easy to talk to, a true jewel. I know she will be there for me if I need to talk to somebody. We are actually quite alike.
I am still not sick or nauseous. Not that I am expecting to, since I've only felt mild nausea with Nicky's pregnancy starting around 7-8 weeks, but I am now taking folic acid that is supposed to make me nauseous and a new kind of prenatal vitamins which I was told could make me nauseous. I guess not! And thank God for that. I can't imagine feeling sick and go through all these mood swings. I need to calm down. I have a few pretty neat cross-stitch projects I will start tonight. Just one thread per night, while I watch TV, to calm me down and just try to 'enjoy'.