~ January 28, 2003
During this past week, emotionally I've continued to second guess myself about how I should feel about this pregnancy and daring to be happy. I now feel very much pregnant physically, which does help a bit in the sense that I don't have to wonder if I am 'really pregnant'! I am extremely tired all the time, and I actually feel worse with the nausea than I ever have in the past. I attribute this to all the extra vitamins and folic acid the doctor gave me to take which are supposed to make me nauseous! But, like I always said, I'd rather be sick for nine months and then give birth to a healthy baby, then go nine months perfectly as in the past, just to end up in a stillbirth or a disabled child. Hence, morning sickness, you are welcome here! I will never complain about it, just stating how things are.
I waited and waited for the phone to ring with test results last week, but nobody called. I thought it was a good sign since they told me they would only call me if there was something wrong. However, when I did call last Friday to just get a rundown of my test results, they told me that they had not received the results yet. DRATS! Great, more worries. So now I am waiting a couple of more days to call them back again to find out what's the scoop.
I've also decided to go ahead and do a repeat cesarean. After weighing all the odds and risks, while a VBAC after a cesarean is possible, it would really only be better for me. A repeat cesarean would be best for the baby. What sealed my conviction, however, was the doctor's list of pros and cons. One of the cons against a VBAC was a big one, one too big to ignore or pretend and wish it could not happen to me. It stated that if the uterus was to rupture during delivery, that there would not be enough time to do a c-section and the baby could die--and I could die too. Scary? You bet. My husband then talked to his ex-wife, who was a baby delivery nurse for 8 years and asked what I should do from her experience. She also said to do a cesarean. She stated that in her 8 years as a delivery room nurse it happened twice that a mother's uterus ruptured, and in both instances the baby died. In one of those two incidences, the mother died too. However rare this occurrence is, I know our lives are not immune to tragedies, as my past experiences have taught me, hence it's a repeat C-section for me!
At last, something fun. Today I found out that according to the Ancient Chinese Gender Predictor, this baby is a girl... I usually don't really believe these things but they were right with my past two babies, so... hmmmm? If that is true, then, Shelbie dear, that is your name.