~ February 18, 2003
This week I've been feeling much better. No nausea to speak of, a bit more energy, and overall I feel very positive, which is quite an accomplishment! I have gained some weight, it's true, and it's sad to see my stomach giving in already when I still cannot feel the 'bump' of the uterus growing. I suppose the only real sign that I am pregnant physically is that my waist is gone--Yup, no curves for me! LOL. I think I gained about 5-8 lbs so far. I am still eating and drinking in ways to prevent nausea-lots of sparkling water, no liquid/mushy foods etcetera. I will probably go back eating normally in a couple of weeks, after the first trimester is over.
This week so much blood was taken from me that I have the bruises to prove it, sigh. I was tested for thyroid early last week, then a 3 hour glucose test (with 4 blood vial drawn over that period of time). I still do not have the results for any of them. Hopefully soon.
Part of me still has a hard time believing I am actually pregnant at times. I don't know if it's my mind playing tricks on me to erase possible stress or what. I think it is working though, for the time being anyway.
Still... thinking truly positive 100% of the time seems like such a luxury. I am now really fretting over some tests I will take soon. Tests like amniocentesis, which has a small percentage of causing miscarriages. GREAT. Any percentage, no matter how small, to me it's a chance for something to go wrong. After all, only 1% of babies are stillborn, and my Alex was stillborn, and 1 in a million babies is born with EB . . . and, I won the lottery that time too. Sigh. I know I will be extremely stressed during and after all these tests. Not only because of the small percentage of causing miscarriage, but also fretting that the tests will show a non-healthy baby for me. I know I will be devastated.
Gotta keep thinking positive . . . gotta keep thinking positive . . . gotta keep thinking positive . . .