Week 15 ~ February 16, 2005
~ The Unexpected
I am the kind of person who loves to read. If I have free time I would rather be reading a book than almost anything else. I love everything from romances to historical fiction to picture books to the young person classics (like Ramona Quimby). The love I have for reading is part of why I became a teacher; I wanted to share the gift of reading with children. So when I started thinking about getting pregnant it was natural to me to go to the library for books about pregnancy.
Before I even got pregnant I read “Before Your Pregnancy: A 90 Day Guide for Couples on How to Prepare for a Healthy Conception”, “What to Expect When You're Expecting”, “The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy”, “The Mother of All Pregnancy Books: The Ultimate Guide to Conception, Birth, and Everything In Between”, “Your Pregnancy Week by Week” and a few other books and websites. But none of them ever prepared me for the reality of being pregnant. The books list symptoms a pregnant woman could have and even give little quotes from some mothers about what they experienced. One book in particular was very clear and specific on everything from indigestion and gas to maternal fears and what to wear. As I read these books before pregnancy, and reread them early in pregnancy I was in disbelief... these things may happen to some women, but not to me. I would never get morning sickness, gas or headaches. WRONG.
My sister has been pregnant twice, I have a friend who has two children and another friend who is pregnant now, due in early May. I never heard of these pregnancy symptoms I read about in books; none of the pregnant women in my life ever complained. Boy are they brave. It's not that I don't like being pregnant but well, I don't like being pregnant. The hardest part is that I don't feel like I know my own body anymore. The cures I used to use to get rid of a headache or a rash, I can't use any more. I open my mouth to speak and out comes a huge belch. I have headaches nearly every day, occasionally so bad they make me vomit. My clothes don't fit (even thought I've actually lost weight since getting pregnant). I have acne worse than I ever had it as a teenager. And I wet my pants twice in the last week. Who is the person in my body?
On top of every thing going on with my body I am also getting worried and nervous. There are so many things to do to get ready for the baby, so many decisions to make. Bottle or breastfeed, what supplies do I need, finding out the baby's gender, prenatal testing, storing cord blood, remodeling the house, trips and vacations to take. *sigh* No matter how many books I read the answers to what I should do aren't going to be in there and right now it just feels so overwhelming.