Week 32 ~ June 18, 2005
~ Becoming a Mom
I know the human body is supposed to do a lot of things to get prepared for having a baby, nesting, Braxton Hicks Contractions, etc. but I really don't get what my body has been doing with sleep lately. I enjoy sleeping in and taking a good nap. I can even fall asleep in the middle of the day with the curtains open and sunshine pouring into the room. The bed is my favorite place in the house to read, watch tv and just hang out in general. But in the past week I have been getting less and less sleep. I have trouble falling asleep at night. I have heartburn at night and I wake up about every 2 hours to pee. But now I can't even sleep in in the mornings. Lately I have been waking up before Sean's alarm even goes off at 6:00, I used to sleep through it.
My new sleeping pattern has been somewhat beneficial though. I have more time to run errands and get things done around the house. For example, on Thursday I woke up at 5:45 and couldn't sleep so I decided to go grocery shopping. The grocery store is so quiet at 6:00 in the morning. There are hardly any other shoppers, I get a parking space really close to the door, the employees are still stocking the shelves and I can find just about everything on my shopping list, even the things on sale. We'll see how long this lasts. Next week I probably won't be able to get enough sleep.
My OB appointment was on Wednesday and it went very well. The doctor I saw wasn't concerned about my weight gain, or lack there of, at all. He told me to relax and ignore the other doctor who was freaking out about it. The important thing is that the baby is growing (which it looks like she is based on the fundal height measurements) and that she is active (which she certainly is). The baby has turned and is laying with her head up and feet down but the doctor said there is still plenty of time for her to turn around in there. I am scheduled to have an ultrasound on the 1st of July to check the measurements and placement of the baby, just to make sure things are okay. It's been over 2 months since my last ultrasound and I really am looking forward to seeing the baby again.
I am getting so anxious and nervous for her arrival. I really can't wait for her to be here so we can see her and hold her. She is going to have a whole personality all her own and I can't wait to meet her and learn about her. But I am also a little anxious and nervous about it, not just the birth part. I'm feeling better about that. But I'm nervous that I'm going to be a mom. I'm going to be the one who is primarily responsible for taking care of the baby and it just seems like such a big task. I think about my mom and what she means to me, who she is for me in my life. She's the one who inspires me to be the best person I can. When I think about something being right or wrong I think about what she taught me and what she would want me to do. She taught me how to love and through her love and guidance I became the person I am today and I'm very proud of that. So when I think about how I am going to be a mom, that I could be to our daughter what my mother is to me... I feel a little nervous about it, wondering if I am really up to the challenge. My mom has given me some big shoes to fill.
As I sit here thinking (and bawling) about my mom and who she is for me I'm also inspired. That I could be someone our daughter looks up to and wants to be like, that I could teach her and shape her and help her grow into a loving, giving, generous, responsible human being is not just a task and a responsibility... it's an honor. I love you mom. Thank you.
Stacie and her mom