I don't know if this is pregnancy or not but I feel so out of sorts, especially lately. I have always had a really good memory and been totally on top of things (birthdays and sending cards, emails, paying bills, returning calls, keeping appointments organized). With the other pregnancies I have had bouts of "pregnant brain" where I forget to buy the milk I specifically went to the grocery store for or I misplaced a bill or something. But right now the "pregnant brain" or what ever it is, is totally out of hand. I am a complete wreck.
I have double booked appointments two different times this month alone. I still haven't finished helping Hannah write and send out Birthday thank yous from August. I didn't even keep a good list from Christmas so I can do those thank you notes. I have bills that are not only NOT paid but I can't even find the bill and I don't remember who it came from. I just feel so unorganized and out of sorts. This is so unlike me. I know that with every pregnancy my memory has gotten worse and I don't know if it's baby number 3 or if I'm just losing it. When I sit back and think about what I do during the day and what I have to deal with it doesn't seem like much but I'm still not able to manage things.
I know I need to count my blessings and be thankful for the pregnancy and how well it's been going. I have a healthy baby and I'm doing well. I haven't had any complications or difficulties but it's still hard to come to grips with all the changes that come along with pregnancy, even the easiest pregnancy.
Other than my mind falling apart, this week was pretty mundane. The baby is kicking and moving a lot. The kids and Sean should be able to feel it move soon. Hannah has been asking a lot of questions and trying to understand what will happen during the birth. Her biggest fear right now is me going off to the hospital without her. I know that the hospital I'm delivering at will allow children into the delivery suites but I do not want our kids there. I know that if they are there I will worry about them instead of focusing on the delivery. They can come and visit as much as they want after the baby is born but not during the delivery.
Even though I know I don't want the kids with us for the delivery I still don't know where they will go or who will watch them when we go to the hospital. My labor and delivery with Daniel were pretty easy, eight hours of labor and we were at the hospital for less than three hours before he was born. I am hoping that this babe will be an easy labor and delivery too. I don't want to disrupt the kids or interfere with there schedules unless it's necessary. Hannah will be in her last few weeks of preschool and I do not want her to miss school or any of her other activities. I guess Sean and I really need to start discussing stuff like that and come up with a plan . . . and baby names.
I wish I knew how to make this transition easy for everyone but it seems like every day there is a new concern. It was nice when Daniel was born because Hannah was so young. She didn't understand what was happening and she just went along with the flow of things. But now that she is older, and Daniel is almost a full year older than Hannah was when he was born, I'm not sure how to handle it. And I know that there is only so much planning you can do when it comes to a new baby. Most of it just has to be left up to chance.