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Stephanie's Pregnancy Journal

Week 20
~ Major Life Decisions

I have felt like my life has been in limbo for the past several months, deciding what we're going to do once the summer comes. I haven't talked a lot about it in my journals, because you never know if someone from work is going to come across it. I've felt a bit guilty about that, because I'm withholding something important in a forum that I'm supposed to be basically spilling my guts in. So, here it goes . . .

Since last July Sim and I have been discussing moving to Wisconsin this summer. My parents live there, and although I despise cold weather, the pull of being near family is very strong. The closest relative we have here is my mother-in-law, who is two hours away. She loves my children dearly, and we love her. However, my parents are the more-involved types. My mother-in-law watched Owen overnight for the first time when he was about two and a half, and we were very grateful. It's not that I want to pawn the kids off on anyone, but it would just be nice if she would offer to keep them more often, without me having to ask. I think it's happened once, maybe twice, and my oldest child is six years old. I think about living near my parents and it makes my heart ache for what we are missing now. When I moved to Virginia it was with the agreement that we would live here for as long as Sim's dad was around (his dad was older when they had children). Then we would move near my family.

Unfortunately, we lost Sim's dad two years ago. It was devastating, for Sim, for me, for the boys. For a while afterwards I didn't want to have a third child. I wanted to keep it the same way it was when Steve was around, so it would be like he didn't miss anything. Ridiculous, huh? I wanted everything to be suspended, forever. He had a good life, and was a great man, and now I just try to be grateful for the time we had with him. And it makes me not want to miss any time with my own parents either.

So the plan was, per the agreement, to move in August. We'd sell the house here, and rent a smaller one in Wisconsin for a year or two until we could afford to build or buy just what we wanted. Sim would find a job there full-time, and I would stay home with the kids more, either being a stay-at-home mom, or working part-time. This very general, vague plan made it difficult to make any firmer ones until that point. Decorate a nursery? No. Maternity leave? Who knows when the house will sell. It put everything up in the air, and it was hard to sit back and really enjoy things. Sim has also been trying to get a supervisor position at his work, so that would either a) just be a better job for now or b) look good on a resume for finding another one elsewhere. However, with the dicey-at-best economy, we've decided a change in plans is for the best (considering we're really lucky to both even have jobs right now).

The new plan is for Sim to keep working on that supervisor position (which they indicate he should be able to have before June), and me to take a rather short maternity leave, and go back to work part-time. Once the economy turns around, and it is easier to sell a house, and find a job in another state, we'll take another look at when to move. But for now, we're staying put. I expected to be more sad, but honestly at the moment, it's a bit of a relief. I can just focus on bringing this new baby into the world, and not worry about uprooting my whole life at the moment. It's a relief to just be taking one thing at a time.

On a lighter note, but still a big deal, we bought a vehicle! It's a 2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee. We put the three car seats in the back and although snug, they do fit. It'll be mostly Sim's vehicle, because I like driving my little Honda Accord better, but I am a bit jealous. It has snazzy features like a navigation system and heated leather seats! I'm jealous of the heated seats. Sim likes that it has a hemi. Boys.

Well, I'm going to enjoy a new sense of calm in my life for a little while.

Until next week . . .
~ Stephanie

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