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Susan's Pregnancy Journal

Week 18 ~ November 5, 2003
~ Feeling so very emotional!

Three things a pregnant woman should not see:

  1. Johnny Cash's "Hurt" video
  2. a documentary on feral children
  3. the Victoria's Secret catalog

I've been so emotional these past few weeks that I'm even beginning to annoy myself. I read a romance novel the other day and was reduced to tears, literal tears, because the hero hurt the heroine's feelings. I don't remember ever crying over a novel before, including Edith Wharton's House of Mirth, possibly the most depressing book ever written. I could only laugh at myself for finally being brought to tears over Regency romance.

I thought the Victoria's Secret catalog would be the next cause of tears, as nubile young women with perfect bodies flaunted themselves in skimpy lingerie, but as I paged through it, I realized that for once I felt absolutely no envy for their perfect figures. I don't want a flat stomach, I want my beautiful round belly, stretch marks and all. I don't mind the extra pounds settling on my hips when I can feel something so glorious as my tiny baby kicking me. I am fortunate to be one of those women who absolutely loves being pregnant. Even through the nausea, the aches and pains and the waddling stage (fast approaching, I fear!), I can only marvel at the changes taking place in my body. The extra curves feel beautiful. I feel fulfilled and content. I could, of course, do without the acne that has attacked my face, but nothing is perfect in this world!

The only downside of my emotional rollercoaster is that I seem to have less patience. I'm normally a fairly placid, calm person, which is very helpful with my whirlwind of a daughter. But she has been going through a very whiny phase and I'm pulling my hair out by the end of the day. I waited over two years for her to say "Mama" for the first time and now I occasionally think that if I hear my name wailed out one more time I'm going to go insane. It's amazing how many vowels a child can put in the short word "Mommy" - "Mooooommmmmyyyyyy" echoes throughout our apartment many times a day. And then she is so sweet and loving it takes my breath away. My birthday is in a few days and she has been wrapping up all of her toys to give me as presents. How can I ever lose patience with such a darling girl?

I had my 18 week checkup this morning. I love my midwife! She is so calm and reassuring, and very supportive of my decisions. We discussed the gestational diabetes screening, and she said she saw no reason why I should take the test if I don't want to. I'm still researching it but my current plan is to not take the test. I have no risk factors and many concerns about the validity of the screening process. We checked my iron levels since I've been rather tired and a little light-headed lately. It's lower than it was at my first checkup, but still just barely within the range of normal. She recommended being a little more careful about including iron-rich foods in my diet for now and keeping an eye on my levels as the pregnancy progresses. Everything else is normal. I'm measuring on target. I was surprised to learn that I'd only gained 2.5 pounds in the last month. After my Halloween excesses, I was expecting it to be more! I've only gained 6.5 pounds total in this pregnancy, which even my husband said he finds it hard to believe. I don't look overweight, but my belly has really popped out. I go back in another four weeks for what will hopefully be an equally uneventful checkup.

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