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Susan's Pregnancy Journal

Week 36 ~ March 9, 2004
~ Color Me Cranky

I'm really not sure what to write about this week. I've been just drifting along, large and uncomfortable and cranky. My midwife gave me an internal exam this week and said she would irritate my cervix slightly to see if that inspired it to start dilating more. We decided that at least this way it would match my irritable uterus and irritable mood.

The internal exam showed I was 1 cm dilated with Sam at -3 station. In other words, not very much progress has been made. I'm hoping to be a bit further along at my next appointment, but I don't feel like his head is engaged yet, which is probably necessary to cause any real dilation. The internal was fairly uncomfortable and yielded no useful information, so I'm not sure why I'm planning to have another one. Hope springs eternal, I suppose. Perhaps she will tell me that I'm ready to go into labor at any moment and I'll feel more cheerful.

I'm slowly getting prepared for Sam's arrival. He has clothes, diapers and some drawers to put them in. He even has blankets and wipes. What more could a baby need? About 15 things, according to the list I wrote out.

I've decided that writing lists is the same as accomplishing something, so I now have lists for everything. The cleaning that needs to be done before my father-in-law visits next week, the shopping that needs to be done before Sam arrives, various tasks that I keep forgetting to do and a list of items to pack in my hospital bag. I feel so organized! Unfortunately, that's where my drive and initiative left off, and I haven't actually accomplished much of anything on the lists. Still, I feel confident that the mere possessing of an organized series of lists will turn me into the sort of person who does more than sit around painting pictures with her daughter all day, then plays computer solitaire before she goes to bed.

The dreaded Pregnancy Brain seems to be worsening, and I'm having trouble watching or reading anything remotely intelligent. Thank goodness for romance novels, computer games and DVDs of Alias, season one. Otherwise I'd probably spend my free time literally staring at the walls, as I can't seem to do much else. Even writing this entry is proving surprisingly challenging for me! I can feel my thoughts bouncing around and am unable to organize them into a coherent entry.

Since I've been feeling a bit down and negative about the pregnancy this past week, maybe I should make a list of things I will miss about being pregnant:

  1. feeling and watching movement
  2. loving the shape of my body
  3. the excitement of anticipating a new baby
  4. this special one-on-one time with my daughter, which will never come again

And now for things I won't miss:

  1. going to the bathroom every 20 minutes
  2. being unable to walk for more than 10 minutes without sitting down to rest
  3. and I need hardly add, the nonstop Braxton Hicks, which are getting progressively more uncomfortable but don't seem to be doing anything useful.

As an aside: I've been getting numerous e-mail viruses recently and have been automatically deleting anything that I don't instantly recognize. So if anyone was kind enough to e-mail me and did not receive a response, I apologize. If you'd like to contact me, please put something in the subject line about my journal entry so I'll know to read it.

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