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Susan Michelle's Pregnancy Journal

Week 10
~ My Cup Runneth Over!

It's Saturday and I'm ten weeks today! Time seems like it's moving fast, yet really slow. Did you ever feel like that? I can't believe that I'm ten weeks and that part is moving along quickly. My ten week ultrasound is Tuesday and that part of being pregnant is moving really slowly. I can't wait until Tuesday!

It's Sunday and we should have already left for church. I feel so guilty because we love going to church but I kept running to the bathroom and I feel horrible this morning. I pretty much spent my morning and afternoon between the couch, floor playing with the kids and the bathroom. In the late afternoon I started to feel a bit better and actually felt like the morning sickness was gone. By the evening, it was back again and worse than ever. That seems to be the new thing with me. Morning sickness and the exhaustion will go away for a bit and then it comes back hard. Right now I'm not sure if I'd rather have morning sickness 24/7 or have a break but then get hit super hard when it returns. The kids and I called my Mom tonight because she goes in tomorrow morning for knee replacement surgery. The surgeon said that he's not sure of the damage and won't know until he gets in there. I feel horrible because I've always been there for both of my parents. If they were in for surgery, I was right there. Even after having the kids. I would go home and line up family to watch the kids while I was with either parent. Mom and I talked and decided since the kids are now four and two and Dad is retired, we'll wait for a week or two before coming home to see her. I know she's in fantastic hands. My Dad is great! He can cook and clean better than a lot of women I know. They have always taken care of each other. I hope that when Paul and I are married for more than 40 years, we'll be half as happy.

It's Monday. I spoke briefly with my Mom and she understandably sounds nervous about her operation today. It was a long morning but she's out of surgery, she's going to be in a great deal of pain but she's doing great. What's also fantastic is that she only needed a partial knee replacement. In between everything with my Mom, I found out that my Aunt Barb isn't doing well. She has cancer and the treatments aren't working. On top of that, she's in the hospital because she fell and broke her tailbone. A close friend just told me that it doesn't look good but, honestly, she has more lives than a cat so I'm just going to give it over to God. I have to admit, after today, I'm so glad that Paul and I decided to go ahead and tell everyone that we were pregnant early. I wanted to tell Aunt Barb as soon as we found out but I knew that there was no way that she would keep it a secret because she's been with us for our entire trying to conceive journey. I'm ten weeks now and we still wouldn't have normally told anyone... {{SIGH OF RELIEF}}... I'm so glad that we followed our hearts and told everyone early. I don't know what I would have done if we would have lost her without telling her. I don't think I would have been able to forgive myself.

It's Tuesday morning and crazy because the kids are getting ready for preschool and I'm running on empty because Shane didn't sleep well last night. I'm letting Paul sleep in until the last possible second and then he'll have to get up and get moving. I'm so excited! It's ultrasound day! We saw our little bean almost immediately. Right after that, the ultrasound tech asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks. She asked me if I were going to a genetics specialist along with my OB. I replied, "No, we're just going to our OB and haven't discussed us seeing a specialist yet". Her response was "Uhhhhh, hmmmm, okay". My heart stopped for a second. Why is she asking me this? Does she see something off with the ultrasound? What should I do? I looked over at Paul for reassurance and he went from beaming and bouncing off of the walls to quiet and leaning against the back wall. I looked at her and asked why she was questioning me about a genetics doctor. I asked if she saw something that was off because her statement stopped both of us in our tracks. She said that at my age it's odd to have an ultrasound at the hospital and not directly to the specialist. She apologized and told us not to be worried for a second because our little bean was measuring right on schedule and everything looked great. Breath. I told her that she should stop and think about how she states things before speaking because she scared the heck out of us. What if we wouldn't have asked her about her statement/question? We would have gone home and been nervous until our next OB appointment. I have to admit that I'm a bit sensitive about something being wrong because of statements made by my mother-in-law about me having a child with something terrible being wrong. Also, the triple screen that came back positive with our daughter, Morgan. I stopped all of the feelings and reminded myself of something someone told me recently. I'm giving my mother-in-law power that she truly doesn't have. If God would give us a special needs child, he must think that we were the right parents for that child.

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Wednesday was another morning sickness day and I was tired. I was able to clean up the house a bit but the phone was ringing off of the hook. My Mom was released early and was excited to be at home. My brother went to a specialist and found out that he broke his collarbone and possibly pulled a few tendons. He'll know what the treatment is as soon as he talks to his orthopedic doctor. No one can say our family is dull. Everything calmed down and we ran errands. I felt okay in the afternoon. The kids were excited because we were able to spend quality family time today. Boy, they sure were wound up which sometimes means that they are going to be up all night (well, at least Shane). I'm hoping that we get a decent amount of sleep tonight. No need to worry about that, both kids played themselves out early. It was a super special night because Paul and I were able to curl up together and watch a movie, talk, etc. It was a nice night. I can't remember the last time we were able to do that, have alone time. It's been too long. I miss Paul so much. He's been working so much and we hardly get to see him lately. I sometimes wonder how I'm going to do it with two kids and a newborn if he's working as much as he is right now. Guess we'll have no choice and will make it through. I'm not the first one to do it and I have a lot of wonderful friends that can give me advice if I need it. Plus, there are a lot of mommy's-to-be on SD April/May/June 2006 board on StorkNet that are having their third child (or more) and I know that we'll be able to help each other through. I'm so lucky. We might have a smaller group but the ladies on my board are fantastic!

I was a bit apprehensive on Thursday because tomorrow is the estimated due date of when I would have had my little one. It's also my sister-in-law's birthday. So I'm just holding on to all of my blessings and trying to just get through tomorrow (and honestly October) and I'll be fine.

Well, today is Friday and I woke up feeling upset, depressed but soon after I was downstairs Shane came down the steps yelling happily "Good morning Mommy". Morgan shortly followed and came over and just curled up with me and told me that she was "blessed to have me as a Mommy". Shane jumped up and quickly added "Me too". I realize why I'm upset but after a wonderful moment like that, I was reminded of all of my blessings. We watched Little Einstein together and then Shane wanted to "see my belly button". Both kids talk to the baby a couple of times a day. Morgan leaned over and kissed my belly, Shane sang a song. The depressed feeling melted away and my heart was filled with love and appreciation for all of the precious gifts that I've been given. Today turned out to be a really good day. My cup runneth over.

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