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Susan Michelle's Pregnancy Journal

Weeks 23 & 24
~ Lesson learned . . . you can't do everything for everyone

It's Thursday, January 12 and I can't believe Im 23 weeks already! Things were crazy here this week. I've had so much energy but I seem to be stressing over the little things right now. I know it's because there is so much going on and I just can't keep up (to much on my plate). I have to stop thinking I can do everything for everyone because Im falling behind in so many areas that are important to me. I've fallen behind in cleaning around the house, family time, I forget to pull something out for dinner and then scramble at the last minute, I've even fallen behind in my entries to my journal. I could go on and on.

I think that there was so much that has happened over the past few months and things are really started to finally hit me all at once. One of the big things that hit me recently is that my Aunt Barb really is gone. Throughout the past few weeks, I keep finding myself picking up the phone to give her a call when I read something/see something that I think she would get a kick out of, the kids do something cute, etc. I start to dial the phone to tell her and then realize I can't. It's not that I don't realize that I can't talk to her. It's just in that small millisecond I just forget and react. I don't know if I posted this but after my 20-week ultrasound I picked up the telephone to call and tell her the gender of the baby. She wanted to know so badly and it was an ongoing thing with us joking around, trying to figure it out, etc. I was just so excited that I even didn't hang up for the first two rings. At that point my heart sunk and I realized I couldn't talk with her but I couldn't seem to hang up. I got a lump in my throat, my voice started to crack/shake and whispered in the phone, "Aunt Barb, it's a boy" and then I hung up. I know it sounds silly but she heard me. I smiled then laughed because I realized that she already knew that. I finally did something that I really needed to do. I broke down and actually really cried and let everything out. I'm crying as I type this entry right now. I think I was holding on so tight thinking that she was going to make it through that I kept my feelings locked deep within myself and it took a while for them to surface. I think it's going to take some time to realize that she actually isn't here but at least I'm not keeping everything inside anymore.

I'm just so upset with myself right now because I promised that I would write weekly entries for my journal and I've not followed through. I've always loved to read the pregnancy journals and one of the things that bothered me was when someone wouldn't write weekly entries and would just write out two weeks at a time. I'm not talking once in a while but several weeks in a row. I never thought that I would ever end up doing that. I've been really bad about my entries but after releasing all of this pent up emotions, I feel tired but so much better. I think that everything has been building inside of me and I finally was able to release everything that was being held deep within. Writing a journal reminds you of things and maybe I just didn't want to think too much these past few weeks. Now I just need to get some much needed sleep and I'll feel/be fine. Hopefully, this will be my last journal entry carrying two weeks in one entry.

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The week of Thursday, January 19 brought on a few new things. Friday I had my ultrasound and I was admittedly nervous. I know that our little guy measured perfect but I was still a bit nervous of the two-vessel cord. Everything went great! One thing I learned about the doctor this visit was that although he didn't have the best bedside manner around, he was thorough and really cared. He ordered extra testing this time around looking at all of the parts but especially the heart. There weren't any flags and he told us right off that the reason for the extra testing is that he's a bit of a perfectionist. Our scans last month were fine but he wanted a set that was perfect. I'll take that. I have a doctor who cares enough to do something to make sure that we have the best possible information on our child. After going through everything, we talked about our concerns over the past month and he told us the thing from here on out would be watching the baby and his weight because of the two-vessel cord. They would still be watching to make sure everything was fine but weight was the main concern. He said normal procedure would be monthly ultrasounds and eventually non-stress tests. If the ultrasounds and stress tests are more than once a month near the end of my pregnancy, I wasn't to be concerned because he likes to have extra monitoring at that time. In other words, if something is wrong, he'll tell us. Other than that, we're supposed to just enjoy the remainder of our pregnancy.

I woke up on Monday, January 23 to the sounds of Shane throwing up. Initially, we thought he had the stomach virus that's going around. I cleaned him up, called the pediatrician's office and made an appointment with Dr. H. After a while he started to throw up these little black pieces and then I realized what it was. Way too much information here but Shane ate ladybugs! Gross! Dr. H said that we couldn't be 100% sure that it was the lady bugs so I had to keep Shane out of preschool on Tuesday and, if his temperature was fine and he stopped throwing up, he could return on Thursday. If not, we would schedule another visit with Dr. H and go from there. After he was sick about six times or so, he started to feel better. Unfortunately for Morgan, we had to cancel her play date with her friend, Nicole. I didn't want to take any chances that it was the stomach virus and pass it on. The girls were disappointed but we rescheduled for the following Monday so they at least have another play date to look forward to.

Tuesday was pretty much spent taking care of Shane. He was feeling better but not completely back to normal. He started eating again and was keeping everything down. I ran some errands and Paul let me catch up on sleep for about two or three hours.

Wednesday I registered Shane for preschool next year. Paul and I talked and decided that we would register Shane for three days a week since he is having such a hard time with Morgan going to kindergarten. For some reason, Shane thinks he's going to go to kindergarten with Morgan. He doesn't seem to understand that Morgan is five and he's three and it doesn't matter what I say, how I try to explain things to him, etc. I think September is going to be a really hard month until everyone is used to schedules, etc. I think Shane will be fine after he starts to school and makes some friends. Plus, the baby will be here so it might not even be an issue by that time.

That's about it. Thanks for catching up with me. Have a great week.

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