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Susan Michelle's Pregnancy Journal

Week 5
~ Great week, Great Ultrasound . . . We told the kids our fantastic news!

It's Saturday and I'm five weeks pregnant today! No morning sickness yet but I do know what I want to eat and what isn't appealing and/or I don't want to eat/cook. My in-laws are coming into town for a short (24) hour visit and I had our dinner all planned out. I would have spaghetti, Chicken Parmesan, salad, bread, red wine and cheesecake for dessert. It sounded so tasty a few days ago but right now, I really don't think I could cook it let alone eat it. Okay, change in plan what can I make, what sounds yummy. I'll make Tilapia (fish), rice (maybe something a bit spicy), asparagus, salad, bread, white wine and cheesecake. I can make that and more important, I can eat it. I started going through my freezer and realized that I only had enough Tilapia for two people so I wrote up a list of things I'm going to need and I ran quickly to the store.

My in-laws showed up in the afternoon. We sat down, had a cold drink and then we were off to the playground so that the kids could burn off some energy. The kids had a wonderful time running all over the park, playing on all of the rope ladders, slides, etc. About halfway through, my in-laws had to sit down for a bit because it can take a lot out of you running after my two. My mother-in-law later admitted to me that she only wanted two children and she just can't understand anyone who would want more. I told her if I weren't 38, I'd go for an even dozen! Her eyes got really wide but no comment was made. Actually, there were only two comments made about our pregnancy for the entire visit. One, while we were at the park and I went to walk across a rope-type bridge and was told I shouldn't do that in "my condition". The other mention was when they initially came, my mother-in-law almost made the mistake of asking Morgan "What do you think about being a big…." I interrupted her and said "…big girl moving up to the Pre-K Class at PS". WHEW! That was close. Paul and I would love to tell the kids that we're pregnant but we want to wait a bit if we can. Morgan has been praying to God for another sibling pretty much since Shane was born because she wants to have "tons" of brothers and sisters. I know that if Morgan and Shane knew I was pregnant, they would both wake up every morning asking if today was the big day. Initially, it would be cute but after a while it would be crazy.

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The in-laws left on Sunday afternoon when Paul was leaving for work. I was so glad to have the house back to just us again because all I wanted to do was take a nap. I was able to get the kids down and then I took a nice two-hour nap. I don't remember being this tired. I know I've said that before but it's true. I woke up feeling refreshed, started dinner and the kids and I had a nice, quiet night together.

Tuesday rolled around and it was the first day of PS. Shane was up at 1:30 a.m. asking if was time to go. I was able to get him back down by 2:30 a.m. but Morgan was up at 5:00 a.m. asking the same thing so I just gave up and got up. Everything went really smoothly and we were actually 20 minutes early. We'll have to work on that but, hey, better early than late, right? I watched some of the moms with three or more kids walk their kids in and I smiled. That's going to be me in May. How exciting ... yet a bit scary. I only have two arms and there will be three of them! We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Besides, I'll probably have the baby in the Baby Bjorn 3/4 of the time so I will still have two hands free. PS ended up having a few minor bumps the first day (as to classrooms) but everything was worked out by Wednesday.

I'm so excited with a dash of nervousness about the ultrasound tomorrow. We are going to get our first pictures of our little one and, if we're lucky, get to hear his/her heartbeat. Wouldn't that be cool! The nurse told me earlier not to get upset if we don't hear it because I'm only six weeks on Saturday. We'll see.

It's Friday and everyone got up, ate breakfast and we took off to go to the RE's office. The kids were going with us so this was going to be tricky if we weren't going to tell them. The drive was really nice, listening to music/singing, just the four of us talking together. We didn't have to wait long, I went in and had my blood work and then we went in for the ultrasound. I was nervous because this was it, this would be our first ultrasound of our little one. I closed my eyes for a second and prayed that everything was fine. It went really quick. One little sac and you could see a flash (which the RE said was the heartbeat). Unfortunately, we didn't get to hear the heartbeat but everything looked perfect and that's all that mattered. I just looked at the screen in amazement and I kept thinking, "We are REALLY pregnant . . ." I had to hold back the tears. We were given a little ultrasound picture of our little peanut and I scheduled another for the 27th in the afternoon. We should definitely hear the heartbeat by then and get a better idea as to how far along we are. Morgan was adorable; she thought the ultrasound picture was a picture of my belly button! The nurse called me in the afternoon and my blood work looked great! Everything is going as planned... okay. ...Breathe.

We did have a change in plans as to not telling the kids about our pregnancy. A couple of months ago, Morgan was really upset at bedtime and she started to cry. It's a long and involved story but she told me that God was mad at her. I held her, we talked and what she said knocked me over. She said everyone around us is having babies and we weren't having any. She thought God was upset with her because she was praying for a sister not a healthy baby. It was her fault that we weren't having a baby. She's 4! How deep is that!?! Paul and I never talked about trying to conceive and/or fertility problems with the kids and/or in front of the kids. I never knew she was also hurting. I felt horrible! After talking for a long while, we talked about how God does love her and she can ask him for anything but he will give her what she needs. I also made sure that she realized that Paul and I are truly blessed to have both her and Shane and if we didn't have another baby that it would be fine. They fill our hearts. She talked everything through and I thought everything was fine. I was wrong. After the ultrasound, I spoke to a friend who's expecting and Morgan got upset again. She started crying and said that it wasn't fair that God wasn't giving us a baby. Her questions were similar to the questions she asked before. Paul and I stepped aside and talked with each other. Should we tell them so early? What if something happened? How could we let Morgan suffer knowing that I was indeed pregnant? We both feel really calm about this pregnancy and decided that we were going to tell the kids. We sat them down and showed them the ultrasound picture. Morgan said, "Look there's the picture of Mommy's belly button!" I told her "Yes, that's Mommy's belly…" Paul said, "Do you know what's in Mommy's belly?" She started naming off my stomach, etc. and then Paul smiled and said, "A baby is in Mommy's tummy and this is his/her picture." Morgan screamed with delight and asked to see my belly. She then asked if she could kiss my belly. I almost started to cry. It was such a beautiful moment. Shane was cute too. He just looked at my belly, leaned over and said "Hi baby". I'm so glad we told them. Life is good.

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