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Susan's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

~ Meet Susan

Susan and ChrisMy husband, Chris, and I met at a friend's Christmas party in 1998 and married in 2000. We decided, even before we got married, that we would wait to have children until we had stable careers, a house and some savings. After about three years, we accomplished these things and decided to start "trying". We didn't use ovulation predictors or count the days of my cycle; we just wanted to let it happen when it was time. I expected it would take six months to a year, so I was quite surprised to discover it only took 5 months.

We learned we were having a girl and went completely overboard preparing and buying things. However, it was NOT an easy pregnancy. I suffered severe morning sickess the entire 9 months and was hospitalized three times for dehydration. All during this time we were assured through ulrasounds and other tests that the baby was fine. Sadly, our little family was not to be as planned, at our 38 week OB appointment we were told there was no heartbeat.

At that moment I knew my life was changed forever. Grieving the loss of a child is incomparable to anything. I lost my dad when I was 22, and that was very painful, but this hurts so much worse. I was immediately admitted to the hospital, induced and delivered our daughter, Cecilia, 15 hours later. She seemed perfect in every way at 6 lbs 2 oz. We have been told that it appears she died from a virus that somehow crossed the placenta (very rare occurence-almost impossible).

We only wanted to wait the advised three months to begin trying again due to my advanced maternal age of 36. In the fourth month, we got pregnant. We are due March 16, 2006, but will be induced sometime between February 26 - March 2 depending on lung maturity. Borrowing a term from a friend in my support group - we are "buckling our psychological seatbelts" for the wild ride called pregnancy after loss.

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