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Susan's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 11 ~ August 26, 2005
~ You can't put a price on peace of mind

Actually, that's not true. You can purchase it for $400 or rent it for $30 a month. Our fetal doppler arrived this week. They said it begins working at 8-10 weeks, but we couldn't hear anything except my heartbeat, so we are going to take it to our doctor appointment next Friday and see if she can show us how to do it. We told the doctor earlier that we were getting one, and she said she would be surprised if we could hear the heartbeat before 16 weeks, no matter what the ad said. So I wasn't too disappointed, just anxious for it to start working.

It's been another tough week on the nausea front. I don't know if this IV is really working. Part of me wants to scrap the whole treatment. It's uncomfortable and restrictive, and I feel like I am attached to a leash 24 hours a day. The tubing is constantly getting snagged on something, and the side effects are NOT fun. The medication causes headaches, constipation and loss of appetite, yet I have to eat every 2 hours. I don't know if you've ever been forced to eat when you aren't hungry, but it is not pleasant. So, if I don't eat, I get sick, but the thought of food turns my stomach. Either way, the result is an unhappy tummy. I guess I'll continue with it a while longer, if for no other reason than fear that it would be much worse if I take it out. Toward the end of this week, I was noticing a small improvement, although I don't know if that is from the medicine or simply due to the normal subsiding of the hormone surge in the 11th week. I guess I'll take it either way.

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My fear of purchasing things for the baby or pregnancy seems to be getting a little better as the weeks pass. Atlanta has lots of baby consignment sales. We went to one last weekend and purchased about 10 outfits. Since everything I have is for a girl, I thought it might make me feel better to have a few gender neutral items in case we find out we are having a boy. I won't be overwhelmed with thoughts that I have absolutely nothing for him. I definitely don't want any baby showers, so I won't be able to pawn that chore off on friends and relatives. I'll need to be prepared to take care of things myself if we have to switch to team blue. I guess that could be considered progress, believing that we will make it to the point of finding out if we have a he or a she.

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