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Susan's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 14 ~ September 15, 2005
~ Capitol Idea

FRIDAY - WEDNESDAY
I'm happy to report there's a slight improvement in the nausea. It isn't completely gone by any means, but I'm having sporadic periods of clarity lasting up to an hour sometimes. I also accidentally discovered that stress contributes to my nausea as well. Friday was my first day with a couple of nausea free hours, so I stayed late at the office and was rewarded for this by having an accident on the way home. It was just a fender bender but it was "technically" my fault because I hit him from behind. Although I must state for the record that the jerk totally cut me off and then slowed to almost a dead stop to look at a wreck on the other side of the road, and in the blur of all this happening I hit him. He had the gall to jump out of the car and scream at me for hitting him. I wanted to tell him "well buddy when you swerve over into my lane and cut me off because you don't want to travel in the proper lane for your exit because it's too slow and you are so special that you get to just cut over in front of all the people who have been waiting to exit, then decide to slow to almost a dead stop to check out the wreck across the street, then that's what you get!!" BUT I DIDN'T say that because I hit him from behind and there is little defense for that in the eyes of the law, so I bit my tongue and was as sweet as pie when I said "Well I assumed you were going to continue traveling when you came over into this lane." He screamed that his Lexus SUV was only 3 months old and that I was going to pay for the scratch on his bumper. I said "No problem, I have great insurance and a clean record, so call the insurance company, no big deal whatsoever." All the while he never mentioned calling the police so I didn't either, knowing insurance won't pay without a police report; if he was in SUCH a big hurry to get wherever he was going, hopefully he would just take my info and move on. So while he was copying down my info I said, "gee at least we aren't in as bad a shape as those people" pointing at the wreck across the street and he said "yeah, that's what I was looking at." I just thought "Ahh Ha go ahead and admit it and admit you cut me off while you are at it." So he never called the police and we both just left.

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ANYWAY - as I was getting back in my car I got this wave of severe nausea almost to the point of vomiting and I was also shaking from trying to hold it together and act polite when I really wanted to punch the creep in the head. The next day I was spending a nausea free hour at a baby sale when I got some upsetting news regarding a family member and again, a severe wave of nausea came over me and I had to go sit in the car. WELL you don't have to hit me over the head with it, so I have been doing everything possible not to get worked up about things. This is difficult for me because I am an emotional person, but I just try to tell myself to calm down, don't get stressed, you don't want to get sick. I even had to practice this exercise when I was watching my football game, and we got several seriously bogus penalties, all right in a row, and I started yelling at the TV, then I had to stop and tell myself that it's just a game, no need to make myself nauseated over a bum call. We ended up winning by a field goal by the way.

My husband is out of town this week, and I am so bummed. I really miss him. Not to mention that I have to get up off the couch to get my own tea and let the dog out. My sister made sure I had ready made meals in case I was too sick to cook. She set me up with home made chili, spaghetti and meatballs, marinated salmon filet and chicken florentine, mmm mmm. She also cleaned my house like crazy. It hasn't looked this good since we moved in.

THURSDAY
I have decided to join my husband in Washington, DC for the weekend. I leave the house at 5:30am tomorrow to catch an 8:00am flight. This was a VERY last minute decision. I hope my body cooperates. Wish me luck!!

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