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Susan's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 17 ~ October 6, 2005
~ Is She or Isn't She?

I had my first evening out in a long time. We went to a house warming party. I had not seen the hostess since I got pregnant again and have not spoken to her on the phone either. I got the invitation by e-vite. She is really more of a friend of a friend. She works with one of my very close friends and loves to throw parties and always invites me. Anyway, I assumed my friend who works with her would have told her I was pregnant but she didn't and when I showed up she just looked at me in confusion and said "Sooo, what's new?" And thinking she was joking, I just said "Oh not much." She gave me a tour of her new house and offered me a Diet Coke which I declined, saying I am off caffeine and then I went to join the rest of the guests on the patio while she worked in the kitchen. A minute later she pokes her head out the door and hollers for my friend to come inside. Next thing I know my friend comes back out and says she asked if I was pregnant. Meanwhile I stand up and point to my stomach and say, "Ohhh, I thought she knew. Couldn't she tell?" And I thought, OH my gosh, poor woman must have thought it was possible I just kept on ALL the weight from the first one. I was wearing a full on maternity get up complete with tie back shirt. I just started laughing my head off. I didn't even catch on. I ran in and said "I am soooo sorry I thought word would get around. I didn't make any kind of announcement this time." I sent her an announcement with my first. She said, "I completely understand, congratulations." I laughed to myself all night.

The scale finally moved up a couple pounds this week, which no matter what anyone says, I still get twinges of guilt when I see it go up. I have always had to watch my weight and old habits die really, really hard. I guess it was about time since I feel like my stomach has been getting bigger every night while I sleep. I wake up and I swear it seems bigger than the day before. I know this is a big week for growth so maybe it actually IS growing overnight.

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Speaking of weight, food is still not my friend. Nothing ever sounds good. I pretty much force feed myself and then feel crappy after I eat. If I could eat cereal for dinner every night that would be fine with me and I do a lot of the time, but I know I have to eat protein and vegetables even though I really don't want them. I really bank on the fact that the pre-natals are providing me with all the different vitamins I need. My doctor agrees and says just eat what you can tolerate and don't worry about it, but I still feel like I am doing something wrong when I eat Captain Crunch for dinner 2 nights in a row. I did have a very strong craving for chocolate soft serve ice cream the other day, and I wanted it from this restaurant that gives it to you free with your meal. They have a soft serve machine right next to the Coke fountain where you fix your own drink and you just get it yourself. I went in and said I wanted some ice cream and the lady just looked at me and then told me to hold on and went to get someone else, so I told the person who came over that I wanted some ice cream and they said "it's free with the meal" and I said "I don't want a meal all I want is ice cream" and she said "it's free" so I said, "then I can just go get some?" And she said "Yeah I guess". So I did. That was kind of embarrassing but I really thought they would just sell me an ice cream cone. Regardless, it was the BEST ice cream cone I ever had and it was FREE.

Traffic is still MAJORLY stressing me out, even with my adjusted hours. One day this week it took me almost two hours to get home. I got off the highway to try to get around a wreck and ended up TRAPPED on the side street for an hour and a half. I was tired, hungry, angry and had a pounding headache. Not to mention the dollar signs I pictured rolling by with the price of gas as I inched my way home. When I FINALLY got home I slammed every door in the house before my husband made the mistake of asking me if I'd had a chance to call the plumber for our leaking toilet, and I don't remember what I said but it was NOT a pleasant remark and then I locked myself in the bathroom. I know I scared a couple neighbor kids playing outside our house, and I think I scared my dog too.

Not much else to report this week. Then again, scoring free ice cream and scaring neighbor children is quite enough for one week don't you think?

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