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Susan's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 21 ~ November 4, 2005
~ COMMUNITY ALERT: Pregnant lady picking fights in store parking lots

This week has definitely been better than last. One would certainly hope so - right? I had 3 ultrasounds in 7 days following the accident and everything is looking really good. She is moving A LOT and the heartbeat is nice and strong. The doctor said my placenta is "anterior" which means it is sitting in the front of my stomach, so she said I will feel most of my movement on the sides and down low because the ones in front will be muffled, as if I am feeling them through a cushion. She is right about the movement, almost all of it is on the sides. This is the same way I felt them with Cecilia, so her set up in there must have been the same. I did feel my first big kick this week and it was right in the middle - near my belly button, so it must have been a doozie for me to feel it that strongly. I felt a smile creep all the way across my face and I teared up at the thought of her growing so strong in there. I am still afraid to let myself believe I won't be let down again, but things like that bring me closer to letting myself believe.

I met with the insurance rep regarding my accident. She SAID she was coming to my office to get me to sign the medical release and income verification forms so they could pay the hospital bills and compensate me for the days lost from work. And when she made the appointment with me she said she also wanted to take a recorded statement. I said ok, but then I thought about it and called her back and left a message telling her I didn't want to give a recorded statement right now because of how upsetting it is to talk about and I don't want to get that upset at work. She never called me back so my husband called her and told her I was worried about talking about what has gone on because I get too upset and that she needed to know that we had a loss 2 weeks before our due date last February and with that in mind all this has been very traumatic for me. She said she completely understood and would only ask me about times and dates and doctor names and numbers etc and wouldn't ask anything personal. He also told her I didn't want to discuss any kind of settlement. She appeared to be very understanding and promised there would not be any kind of offer for a settlement until after the baby is born.

I don't know if I can verbalize my feelings on this clearly, but I just don't want to profit in any way from my baby being in danger and I don't want someone trying to put a price on what I am going through because to me, that means I agree to categorize my pain as measurable and finite and I just can't do that because my emotions are a not-for-profit industry. ANYWAY the rep showed up at my office and all her promises went right out the window. She DID ask personal questions and she DID make an offer to settle for my "time and inconvenience". YEAAAHHHH - apparently that's what this was - just a little inconvenience. Do you want to know what she offered me????? I am glad you are sitting down because - - she offered me $500. And at that point I got pretty PO'd and after picking my jaw up off the ground I said, "Uhhhh - I have no interest in your $500. Do you think you can put a price tag on what I have just been though?" And she said no. And I said, "Neither do I but apparently that's your job. I thought you discussed this with my husband last night, so let me reiterate that I have no intention of discussing this with you right now." She said, "Ok then you have up to 2 years to settle and I will just call you every 30 days to keep checking on your decision and no medical bills will be paid until you settle," and that was it - she left. She flat-out lied straight to my husband and approached me with every intention of getting my claim off the books immediately, not after the baby is born like she said. Yes, I understand that is what she gets paid to do, but her tactics were despicable and I will not be lied to and treated as if what I went through was trivial. She came here for one reason and one reason only - to hand me some money and check me off her "to do" list. When I got that call from the hospital saying "Test results show there is a problem with the pregnancy due to your motor vehicle accident. Be here within the hour and plan to spend the night." My life literally flashed before my eyes. I wanted to lay down and die right then. I immediately thought they were going to tell me I was losing this baby. It was horrific. Praise God everything turned out to be fine (so far), but I spent 5 days in hell thinking my baby was in danger.

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On to nicer thoughts. Halloween was fun. We attended a neighborhood party. I was a witch and Chris was Sonny Crockett (Don Johnson) from Miami Vice. My 2 favorite costumes were a husband and wife dressed as the Incredibles and 3 boys dressed up as the rock group Green Day. I just love group or couple costumes and always admire the incredibly creative home-made ones as opposed to the expensive fancy rental deals. Chris rented his and mine was sort of home-made but not terribly creative - mostly due to lack of energy. I usually go all out for Halloween.

On Sunday I yelled at a guy in the Publix parking lot for taking up a "mommy to be" parking spot and that was fun. I really dig calling people out for explicitly stupid and inconsiderate acts in public. I often fancy myself the caped crusader against those who display no regard for their fellow human beings. We have all seen parking spots designated for expectant moms, right? Well every time I go to Publix, a non pregnant person is hogging these up. If it's not a woman in a tennis skirt or workout gear, it's a 65 year old lady in a gold lame' sweatsuit, or a high school girl bopping out of her Daddy's SUV. But I don't say anything because how do I know for sure they aren't pregnant. Although I THINK these spots are for pregnant women who need to be close to the entrance, not ones who can play tennis and go to the gym. Anyway, today I pull up to see a MAN and a 4 or 5 year old child parking in the spot, and it made me so mad, I said to him, "did you notice that sign, this is a spot for pregnant women" and he said "yes I did notice" and kept walking. I hollered to him "well you don't look pregnant" and he said "thank you" and continued on his way at which point I hollered "JERK". Way to teach your child about respect for others, just take take take all you can and never mind anyone else around you. Well, I didn't get him to move from the spot but I felt a lot better after embarrassing him in a parking lot full of people. The sad thing is lazy bone-heads like him probably don't embarrass that easily. If they did, the honor system would work a little better in this world.

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