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Susan's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 31 ~ January 13, 2006
~ Can we get a table instead of a booth?

We had a Perinatologist appointment this week and unfortunately my doctor was out on a family emergency so I didn't get to ask him my questions regarding the scheduling of my amnio. That was a bummer, but the tests were all fine. My pre-eclampsia blood test results were in and I was told that I didn't look like a candidate for it at all. They said they get concerned if your number is in the 50s and really worry if it is in the 100s and mine was 13. Don't ask me what the name of this test was, but I was happy to hear this news. Fluids and placenta looked good and she weighs 3.4 pounds and was breech. All those things make me happy except the breech part. I know she will turn many many times in the next 6 weeks but I like hearing that she is vertex because I can imagine getting ready to launch. Pelvic pain and pressure is increasing daily and in no way is any form of bending forward even an option. I swear I don't remember this part. I thought I was able to somewhat bend forward my whole pregnancy last time, but not this time. And every little thing seems to require bending when you can't do it. Let me name a few chores that are more of a challenge than I remember; going to the potty, getting in and out of chairs and cars, putting on underwear, socks and pants, getting dishes out of lower cabinets and loading the dishwasher. These things are miserable to try to do yet absolutely unavoidable. Oh and I also finally reached the embarrassing milestone of having to move from a booth to a table at a restaurant because I couldn't fit - now that was horrifying. Oh well all for a good cause right? The fact that I am so much bigger this time around is just so weird to me, but I will gladly take it if it means baby is safe in there.

We attended my cousin's funeral this week and it was extremely taxing. It was about 4 hours away from where we live so we drove up early in the morning on the day of the wake and spent the night to go to the funeral the next day. I really wanted to spend one more night just because I was so exhausted but that was not possible since I work for a newspaper and was on deadline the next day. So I slept in the back seat on the way home and then stumbled in and went straight to bed when we got home about 10pm since I had to be up at 5:30 am the next morning to get to work. Wow those few days really sucked, but I was very glad I was able to be there for my aunt and she seemed very thankful to have us there, so it was worth it. No more news on my sister's condition following her accident; we have been calling but she doesn't answer at home and since she left the hospital against doctor's advice, we can't even call the hospital to ask about her. I really wish I knew her thought pattern on this whole thing, but I simply cannot figure out what she thinks she is doing. Some people are just so stubborn and if they don't want to be in the hospital you can't make them stay there. That's the part that makes me mad, wondering how she could not care that she could be endangering her life along with knowing that I cannot go check on her because she is 800 miles away and I can't travel that far. But since I can't do anything about any of it I try to let the anger and fear come for a few minutes and then let it go for the safety of my own health. Amazing how good I have gotten at reaching the "accept and deal" phase much sooner than I used to be able to.

Next weekend is my niece's baby shower (yes I will be a new mother and a great aunt all within 2 months - scary) and I feel bad showing up looking 10 times more pregnant than the guest of honor. I feel that it's sort of like announcing your engagement at someone else's wedding - kinda tacky - but I don't want to miss it and I know she wants me to be there so I guess I shouldn't sweat it, and I do look forward to sharing her special day. She didn't have any bridal showers (she eloped) so I think this will be quite an experience for her to be the center of attention for once.

So I began my adjusted hours at work this week and it has been soooo nice. I've stopped driving and my husband brings me back and forth. We have to leave at 6:30 am to get both of us to work on time so there's no morning traffic and I leave at 4:00 pm now so we're avoiding most of the traffic on the way home too. I am LOVING IT!! I wish I could always work these hours, but I can't so I'll just enjoy this one perk while it lasts.

Well, that's gonna do it for me this week. 6 more to go and counting.

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