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Susan's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 33 ~ January 28, 2006
~ 2 Appointments Per Week From Here on Out

I swear I have gotten so much bigger this week. Had my weekly OB appointment yesterday and only gained 2 pounds but it looks and feels more like 10. I had a non stress test and that was pretty fun. Everything looked good, plenty of acclerations, no contractions and the recliner chair was SO comfortable. I could've lounged there all day.

I think baby has dropped this week. I noticed an increase in pelvic pain and pressure after walking a couple blocks to and from lunch on Wednesday. I've also recently felt movement WAY lower. I have an ultrasound today so we shall see if she's in firing position and find out if I'm feeling punches or kicks in my nether regions - hoping they're punches. Since my Perinatologist was out on an emergency when I had my last ultrasound, I wasn't able to set the date in stone for my amnio. He works at 2 different hospitals so we've been in limbo while waiting to discuss his schedule. I really hope he is in agreement with my OB on the timing, but they seem to disagree frequently so I am a little nervous that he will want us to wait longer than the date my OB suggested.

Back from the Perinatologist appointment . . .
Ultrasound was good. She's head down and low, feet are under my left ribs, weighs 4 lbs 11 oz, fluid looks good, organs look good, she is still a wiggle worm and was entertaining herself by flexing her feet. She must be amused by her feet because another day she kept trying to grab them. I walked out of there almost crying with joy because the doctor agrees with the February 23 induction date and offered us the option of declining the amnio. If we have the amnio and the lungs aren't mature then we cannot be induced and I will have to remain pregnant through week 38. After an unexplained loss at 38 weeks I really felt like that was a very bad idea. THANKFULLY, the doctor agreed when I said that. He said that if it were his baby he would want it delivered at 37 weeks. It was like someone took a weight off my shoulders. All I have been thinking is what if the amnio comes back saying the lungs aren't ready or what if the labs are backed up and they can't get the results back that day and I have to wait 3 more days since they don't induce on Fridays and Saturdays? I don't know for sure what happened in week 38 and how can I take the chance of it happening again? He said the chance of immature lungs at 37 weeks is 5% and the worst case scenario is that she is delivered with immature lungs and has to be on oxygen for a few days. He says there are no other risks and no long term effects and the worst thing we'd have to go through is leaving her at the hospital for a few days instead of taking her home when we go. I said as long as she is here and alive, I am fine with that. We have already been through the worst thing that could happen and I can handle his worst case scenario standing on my head.

Now for the not so comforting news. I asked what would happen if I go in on February 23 and I am not dilated or softening at all. He said in that case we'd start with Cervidil which I think is like a tablet that dissolves on your cervix to soften it (OWWWWWW- I heard that stuff really HURTS!!) then move on to Pitocin. Then if I still don't progress, I would be looking a C-section. Again that is worst case scenario. With Cecilia, I was induced but I was already dilated to a 2 and didn't have to have Cervidil and I had some Pitocin but once they broke my water my contractions got so strong they took me off Pitocin and I labored on my own and it took me about 9 hours to go from a 2 to a 10. I heard that subsequent labors are more efficient than your first, so I am hoping my body has at least a repeat performance or better with this induction and the C-section won't be necessary.

In conclusion this week, just a bit of house keeping before I let you go. As I said last week, the issue of parenting philosophies is off the table. However I feel compelled to answer the burning questions and address the grave warnings. So here goes . . . NO I won't be following one single philosophy so closely to the letter as to not be able to use my deductive reasoning skills to know when to deviate or come up with my own methods. YES, I have read about many different methods. NO, I am not so impressionable that I would blindly follow any one philosophy without considering and questioning the safety of my child in the application of methods. SO, please do not worry that I will be abusing my child or treating her as an inconvenience if I don't follow your philosophy. I extend a heartfelt thank you for your advice and concern for my child and I assure you my daughter will live a life filled with love, comfort and security. CASE CLOSED. See you next week.

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