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Susan's Pregnancy After Loss Journal

Week 6
~ If you are going to take a fall, now is the perfect time

My husband and some of our friends decided they wanted to go tubing on the river about an hour away from our house. I told them I obviously couldn't go and they begged me to change my mind, telling me I would be fine on the calm little river. I called the doctor and she said the same, "no problem, go have fun, you'll be fine." So I didn't listen to my inner voice and relented.

Weellll, about 10 minutes into it, I fell out and got bounced over some rocks and freaked out. I sat in the tube for about another half hour, holding on in terror convinced that I'd damaged my unborn child. My husband finally suggested we climb up the river bank and get out. I agreed even though we weren't near the end of the river trip so the bus would not be waiting to take us back to the top. I decided it would be better to walk back than stay in the river. Once we climbed out, we had to walk through the town in just our bathing suits, which was majorly embarrassing. We stood on the street corner hoping to flag down one of the rafting busses, and we finally did. They took us back to the top, and I slept in the car until the rest of the group came back.

Two days later I started feeling a shooting pain on my lower right abdomen, and freaked out, sure that I'd hurt the baby. I immediately called the doctor and she said to come right in. She did an ultrasound and we saw the little heartbeat barely glimmering on the monitor, but there nonetheless, and the doctor said, "see the baby is fine, and besides that your pelvis is protecting the embryo right now so if you were going to take a fall, now is the perfect time."

What a relief, although I am sure that was just the first of many panic sessions. I really miss that joyful confident feeling I had while pregnant with Cecilia. The thought never once entered my mind that something could happen. My assumption was that a positive pregnancy test = baby in 9 months. I guess sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

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