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Tara's Pregnancy Journal

Week 10 - April 28, 2006
~ A Life Too Short

Not long after I submitted last week's entry, I received some bad news. Normally, I send my entries out on Friday, before the "official" start of the weekend.

Friday night and most of Saturday it was rainy, cold, and just absolutely miserable. I received a phone call from my pastor Saturday afternoon. A horrible accident had occured not too far from the church on Friday night, and two girls from the middle school, who were crossing the street to head to a pizza place, were hit by a car . . . one driven by a community outreach officer from our local township police. Both girls were taken to the hospital immediately . . . but the girl from our church, Melissa, had suffered so much trauma that she didn't make it, and she was taken off life support shortly before my pastor called me. When he told me, I felt as though my heart stopped beating. She was only 14 years old.

Her viewing and funeral were held this week (I was able to attend the viewing) -- the whole community came out -- and when I approached her mom and dad, I stopped to look at Melissa. She looked like an angel, sleeping peacefully, with a small handful of tulips in her hand, along with a little card, with her brother and sister's handwriting. It just broke my heart. There were so many kids there from the middle school she attended. I just felt so helpless (and still do) - there's so much pain and anguish, and there's nothing I can do for her family except to pray for them and tell them how deeply sorry I am. I hope the one thing that will give them comfort is knowing that a part of their daughter will live on in someone else, as she was an organ donor. I just wish there was more I could do for them. She was such a sweet girl -- and was so full of life and just a real sweetheart. God has another angel in Heaven now -- one that is being missed terribly by her family and her friends.

Melissa's passing has made me think a great deal more about my life, and about what I would leave behind -- what legacy will I leave when it's my time to go ? Will I be looked at as a loving mother, wife, friend? Did I do enough to help people, or was I too busy with so many other things that I forgot to stop -- or at least pause -- and enjoy life? Life is so horribly short, but sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in how busy we are -- with work, family, school -- that we just left life whiz on by. It's scary how life can be taken from us so quickly, especially for someone as young as Melissa. I can't even begin to fathom what her family's going through.

9 weeksAs far as how I'm doing, despite being sad over Melissa, I'm feeling ok. Definitely getting bigger (I've enclosed my 9 week picture-- the ten week picture's coming, now that I know how to download the images from my new digital camera from my mom and stepdad!). The tiredness has started to wane a bit, but today (Friday) it knocked me for a loop, and I came home and went right to sleep for about an hour. I've started having more headaches in the afternoon now (not sure if it's tiredness or not, but I suspect it might be). I *swear* I feel some movement, but I know it's likely too soon . . . but I am feeling *something* in my uterine area, especially if I'm really still, such as when I'm laying down. My fingernails are growing like crazy (I think a combination of the vitamins and the hormones), so I hope to go for a manicure soon to keep them looking nice for now.

People at work now know I'm pregnant (or are asking me to make sure). I feel like I should jokingly make a button that says, "Yes, I'm pregnant, not fat!" ha ha They're asking me if both Bill and I want to know what sex it is. We do, but we're not sure at this point if we'll tell everyone (or just kind of keep it to ourselves).

Either way, I've told Bill that I want to name the baby, in some way, in honor of Melissa -- using her middle name (if it's a girl) or a derivative of it (like Mitchell) if it's a boy. I can only hope and pray that our little one can bring us as much joy as Melissa gave to her familiy and friends (at school and at our church).

Well, it's getting late (at least for me and our little bean), so until next week, stay healthy and happy, everyone.

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